Thursday, March 20, 2008

Chapter20:ACCEPTANCE. Tibet, Lamplight Unto a Darkened World






Chapter 20

Acceptance






“I love you when you bow in your Mosque, kneel in your Temple, pray in your Church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the Spirit.”

-Kahil Gibran 1883-1931






The hike from Nagawal to the Manang district was uneventful, and as foretold by his recent host, very easy for Tom. He was now fully rested, physically and emotionally; and in fact, feeling stronger than he had ever felt in his life. He was suffused with quiet confidence, and it showed. The trail became a long, straight, boring affair - nearly a road. So, as the scenery dissipated into blandness, Tom fell into a nonchalant state. As he walked through Manang, he was passed by two very eager New Zealander's. One was a few inches shorter than Tom, with wild curly blond hair and a sketchy mustache. The other was lean, muscular, six foot four, with full thick wavy blond hair, a healthy tan, and piercing crystal blue eyes. He looked like the many intriguing images of Jesus that Tom had seen throughout his life.

“G’day, mate! Where are you from now?” ’Jesus’ asked, as he walked abreast of Tom.

Atlanta, Georgia. The United States.”

“Not that, eh? Just now? We ’aven’t seen you on the trail as of yet, and I think we’ve met most of ’em by now!”

“Oh, I took a longer route, through the rougher trails. I wanted to get off the main trail - as much as I could.”

“I told you we should ’ave done it!” he admonished his eager friend.

“So, when did you start the Trek circuit?” he asked Tom abruptly.

“Oh, I dunno. I haven’t really been watching the days. I’m going as I please, you might say. I started out with some fellows from Bangkok, then spent a few days with two Dutch guys. Then, I went alone for a while.”

“We've met ’em. Met them all, aven’t we?” he asked his friend, without expecting an answer.

All Tom could think was: “this one is wired for sound. He’s a handsome devil, knows it, and is full of misdirected energy.”

“I bet you boys are fun at a party!” Tom said, fishing for a different line of conversation.

“That we are! Who’s been talking about us?”

“I’m afraid, and sorry to tell you, but no one that I know of...... Sorry for the ego blow, but I think we are all revolving around that sun up there; no one person, I’m afraid!” Tom said with a laugh.

“Well aren't we the comedian, hey Scottie?”

“Just kidding around. I haven’t been talking to any of the hikers; particularly about the other hikers. Frankly I’m surprised to see folks more than once.”

“Yeah, I get ya. We pass them all up ourselves! Not sure they hike as much as we ‘ave.”

“That's a New Zeeland national pastime, isn’t it? Like our football and baseball?”

“I suppose, but we do all kinds of extreme things. It makes life stimulating. Well, that and sex! I hope we see some worthy, sporting, women soon.”

“Where’s a good place to stay around here?” asked Tom, changing the subject as gracefully as he could.

“This place here is nice,” he said, pointing to a large three story guesthouse on their immediate right.

“Really?”

“Really. This is our second night here. We’re taking a break before hitting the pass. We went to see the glacier today.”

“Well then, thanks. I’ll stay here, then! See you later,” Tom said, as he turned onto the long path to the big guesthouse that stood on the wide flat open space.

“See ya, mate,” he said, as the two of them kept walking straight ahead.

Tom checked into the comfortable, and fairly new, guesthouse; and promptly took a long hot shower. The water felt wonderful, and he was grateful for the relaxed pace of the day. He was nearly alone in the guesthouse, however. Only two women were on the floor above him, and two guys on the ground floor below him. While Tom went in for an early dinner, the two men were just finishing a late lunch.

“Well, we should go to the store and get.....” Tom heard.

“I don’t think that's necessary, its enough we have to carry.....”

“But, I’m getting it anyways - whatever you say!”

"O.k., I don’t care. I’m staying here. Do as you want. I‘m not done eating.”

The older man left, and the other man stayed and lingered over his food. Tom halfway listened to the argument, but couldn’t figure out what it was about. After about ten minutes of silence, Tom spoke up. He sat two tables away from Tom, but no one else was in the restaurant. The man had looked over and caught Tom’s eyes a couple of times, but seemed too shy to start a conversation.

“Are you headed over the pass soon?”

“No, we’ve just done it; but we’re headed to Kathmandu, and my friend now wants to carry the world on his back. He acts like we’re going to get stranded in the middle of nowhere, and die there!”

“I know what you mean, everyone seems a bit freaked out about that. Can’t say I blame them, but over reacting and over packing won’t solve anything. If anything, I am lightening my load before the pass. I’ve given away everything but a spare pair of underwear, my sweater, my hat, and my gloves.”

“That's smart, it’s slippery, and the paths can be very narrow. I wish we’d gone over the way you are, it would’ve been better.”

“Oh, either way is probably fine. You’ll like the rest of the trek to Besisahar, then you get a bus to Kathmandu.”

“Hello, my name is Alan,” he said, as he came over to Tom’s table and held out his hand.

Tom rose, shook his hand, and introduced himself. Immediately, there was a strong connection between the two of them, and Tom was no longer alone. They spent the rest of the day together, wandered around the tiny shops, and even found a gas operated movie projector that showed old movies in a ramshackle building. Tom bought Alan a couple of candy bars for the movie, and smuggled them in. As they watched the stupid old movie, they ate candy, sat head to head, and joked about the movie, life, and whatever came to mind. As they walked back to their guesthouse, they passed by the two Kiwi’s again.

“Hullo, there Thomas. Looks as though you have found yourself a friend.”

“Yes, this is Alan, he’s from Israel.”

“Is he now, hello!” he said as he waved, and made no effort to get closer.

“Hey, where are you off to?” asked Tom

“To our hotel, over there,” he motioned to the larger, and more luxurious hotel.

“I thought you said that my hotel was a good hotel to stay.”

“So, I did mate. I just didn’t say we were staying there!”

“Oh, funny. Remind me not to trust you again.”

“Can’t handle a joke, man?”

“Sure, no problem. I’m just not always joking, myself.”

“Mores the pity.... See you over the pass.”

“Sure, whatever,” Tom said as they walked away from each other.

“What was that about?” asked Alan.

“Buttheads. Oh, well, it worked out great anyway. I’d never met you if I’d stayed with them, eh?”

“Yeah, it worked out fine. Hey look at the sky!”

Tom looked up, and the sky was alight with stars. The building generators had just shut off for the night, and the entire area was immediately enveloped in complete darkness.

“Lets sit over there, and look, o.k.?” suggested Tom.

“Sure,” he said with a sincere smile.

“Seriously, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. I feel that I know you so much already. We just can talk.....I love it.”

“Me too. It makes me regret who I picked to hike with though - he’s such an overbearing guy.”

They talked and talked, way into the early morning hours. Alan had just been released from two consecutive military tours in Israel, and had been traumatized by the experience.

“Its going to take me years, if ever, to recover. I was too young, and they put me on border patrol. Then because I was bright, they moved me up to immigration. Do you know how hard it is to know that your decisions mean life or death for people? You let them in, they live; if not, they die. It was too much responsibility for me, I was just a kid. No one should make those kind of decisions, least of all young guys. Some nights I wake up with night terrors, thinking of all the screaming and dying people.”

“I didn’t realize things were so bad in Israel.”

“It’s getting worse. I’m thankful that my army tour is over.”

“Yeah, I just met two young guys on the way here, who are headed in. I can’t imagine what it’s going to do to them,” commiserated Thomas.

Alan shared many stories of pain, suffering, and death in Israel - many of which he was personally involved with.

“You’re the first person I’ve felt comfortable talking to about this all. I guess I can, because I’ll probably never see you again, and you seem so easy to talk to,” Alan said, and broke down in tears.

“I just followed my orders, how was I to know that meant? Now, I have to live with myself. I was just a kid when I started. I did what I was told to do. They betrayed my trust in their correctness; when it’s all politics. Politics that kills, and tortures so many, for so many years. Sometimes I think the lucky ones die.”

Tom reached over the short distance between them, and held him tight as he was racked with sobs. They stayed that way for nearly twenty minutes, saying very little if anything; as Tom held him tight, and allowing all of his pent up emotions to come out. Once calm, Alan wiped his eyes, sat back, and looked directly into Tom’s eyes.

“Thank you for this night.”

“No problem! I enjoyed the movie! And, you’re a cheap date.....only two candy bars!” he joked.

“Seriously,” Tom continued quickly. “You’ve taught me a lot I never knew about Israel, and the tensions of living there. I appreciate the safety of my home more; and feel a lot of empathy for you, and your family. I think all will be better for you now, but the scars......”

“Will never leave me, I know....”

“But you’re also very strong, bright, handsome, talented, and positive. Life will go well with you. Now you’ve seen and lived the worse, the best is yet to come.”

“I never considered that before. Thanks.”

“No, thank you! Now, you’d better get some sleep so you can hike tomorrow.”

“Sure, have a good .......life, Thomas.”

“You too.....” said Tom, as they parted ways, and went to their respective rooms.

The next morning, Tom had just gotten out of his room and was walking around the second floor balcony on his way downstairs to breakfast, when he saw Alan walking down the path, away from the guesthouse. They waved to each other silently, and Alan’s hiking partner shook his head in confusion.

Tom felt good about his time with Alan. It felt productive, positive; and Alan was in a better place. With a little effort on Tom’s part, and generally a nice evening together, Alan was on his way to overcoming a tough part of his life. Tom enjoyed the evening, and the results.

“I’ve just got to stick to people who care, ask, and appreciate. Maybe I can be more selective, and spend my time with those who share my values,” he thought to himself.

After breakfast, Tom walked towards the small shops and looked for information on an old Lama who lived in a nearby mountain cave. He’d heard that it was good luck to go visit this Lama, and he thought it would be a good way to spend his day off. At the tourist center, he met a sincere and attractive woman from Southern California. She and her friends had traveled together, but she was the only one who wanted to climb yet another mountain to visit a reclusive Lama.

“They say that he hasn’t been out of the mountain for years, and all of his food and water is brought up to him. I think it’s fascinating,” she told Tom excitedly.

“Sounds interesting to me, I’ve never met a Lama. I’m curious what they are like. “

“We have to take a passport picture up to him, give him a little offering, and he gives us a blessing for safe travels. “

“Simply fascinating! “ Tom said, laughing.

“Oh, stop teasing me! “

“I’m not, I’m just happy - and, well, fascinated! “he said grinning broadly.

“Well, I don’t want to go by myself. Do you want to go with me? “she asked nicely.

“Sure, let’s do it! “

“Thanks, there are some other folks going today as well. One guy won’t leave me alone!“

“Oh, I’ll protect you. Although I’ve never met a woman from Southern California that ever needed protection! Maybe you’ll end up protecting me!”

“Go on! Oh, here they are.....”

Tom turned around, and came face to face with Albrecht and Behrens.

“Hello guys,” Tom said neutrally.

“Hello Thomas,” said Behrens.

Albrecht merely nodded, and spoke directly to Sharon.

“So have you decided to go up the Lama’s mountain today?” he asked her, as he considered her longingly - with his best devil-may-care look, and twinkling eyes.

“No one else apparently exists to Albrecht, while he focuses his attention on his present prey,” thought Tom cynically to himself.

“That's how he does it! It’s the ‘I only have eyes for you,’ puppy dog look. Now I get it! Jeez, am I ever dumb!” he teased himself, with comedic sarcasm.

Sharon, more savvy that the average girl, rolled her eyes so that Tom could see her lack of enthusiasm for Albrecht, and answered sweetly.

“Yes I have, as a matter of fact. Thomas is going with me! Are you guys going?”

Obviously startled at her reply, Albrecht gave Tom a reappraising look. Sharon promptly spoke to Tom, as if very familiar with him.

“Tom I’m buying more film, and getting some sunscreen from my room. I’ll meet you here in twenty minutes, o.k.?”

“Sure, see you then. I’ll be ready to go.”

Sharon literally skipped her way down the path - away from what had promised to be an awkward situation. She was happy for Tom’s arrival, and his respectful treatment of her.

“Are you guys going with us to the Lama cave in the mountain?” asked Tom pleasantly.

“Sure,” replied Behrens with a grin.

“What are you doing with the girl?” asked Albrecht, abruptly.

“Nothing, we just met.”

“You didn’t know her from before?”

“No, why?”

“She hasn’t been as friendly as I’d like; did you say something to her about me?”

“Albrecht, I just met her about fifteen minutes before you guys got here; and I didn’t even know you guys were here until you showed up. I’ve said nothing to anyone, about anyone. She isn’t dumb, you know. She’s from California, for Gods sake. Don’t you know? The women there are hit on by phony surfer dudes all day long. She just sees through your games. I suggest that if you would really like to get to know her, that you be sincere. But even that will probably be a waste of time; she has a boyfriend.”

“Well he is somewhere else, and I am here! Its holiday, it doesn‘t matter.”

“Not everyone shares your view of ‘anything goes’ while on holiday. You know, some people consider their holiday to be part of their regular life - we don’t act differently when we’re on holiday. People don’t exist purely for our entertainment. They do have feelings, you know. They believe there’s a tomorrow.”

“Ahhh, Phhhhp!”

"O.k., whatever. You’re on your own with her. I have not, nor will, say anything. O.k.?”

"O.k., thanks.”

“No problem.”

The hike up the mountain took a half the day, the trail switched back and forth, and always climbed up sharply. Sharon and Tom stuck together, as per Sharon’s request; and they had a wonderful time.

“Tom, you need more lotion for your skin. I have some really good stuff here, let me put some on your face, you’re getting burnt.”

“Thanks, I wouldn’t have thought about it. I appreciate it.”

Albrecht just looked at Tom in confusion, and silence. He wasn’t angry, just continually confused by this strange guy, Thomas. They finally reached the mouth of the cave, and the small plateau that contained the Lama’s vegetable garden. As they went inside, they were greeted by his wife, who made tea for everyone. They drank their tea in the dark, cool, interior of the cave; and marveled at the hundreds of passport pictures pasted to the walls of the cave. Not much space was left uncovered. They sat comfortably on wool rugs, and the Lama came into the cave from deep within its recessed rear. Sitting behind his small table, he called each person up to him in turn, and looked deep into their eyes. After a few moments, he smiled, said a blessing, wrapped up a cord of strings that was to contain the blessing within a large knot, and placed it around the person’s neck. Everyone, except Tom, had gone up to receive their blessing and their simple necklace. Albrecht was strangely silent, and surprisingly lacked any hint of sarcasm or resentment. It was a nice change in him, that both Tom and Behrens noticed immediately. Tom went before the Lama, folded his hands, and bowed deeply before him. As Tom’s head rose, his eyes met those of the old Lama. Tom saw deep pools of serenity and compassion in the man’s eyes, and a tingle ran down his spine, to be with such a kind and loving person.

“What is it that I feel about this guy?” he wondered to himself.

Then the answer came to him, as they had been coming lately, very quickly.....almost immediately. Since he no longer tried so hard to seek understanding, it seemed to find him - almost before he finished his questions to himself.

“It’s a sense of reverence. “

Reverence was the feeling he felt for the man. The Lama smiled broadly at Tom, understanding where his thoughts were; while he held Tom’s unflinching gaze, comfortably. They understood, and respected, each other. Tom was nowhere near where the Lama was on his path; but the Lama wordlessly acknowledged that Tom was on the right path to a full transcendental state. This confirmation, totally unspoken, and communicated through eyes and hearts alone, felt wonderful to Tom. He had believed that he was on track, because it felt so right to him as he progressed; but, this man’s confirmation of that fact, helped him immensely. The Lama said a special prayer on his necklace, and placed it round his neck, securing it tightly from the back. As Tom rose, the Lama asked him where he was from, and Tom told him. He nodded, smiling, and said “good travels; safe path.”

“Thank you,” replied Tom, gently.

The Lama got up and placed Tom’s picture on the wall near his table, and retired to his sleeping chamber beyond. His wife escorted them all out of the cave, and said polite goodbyes. All of the travelers walked down the mountain quietly. They’d been moved by the presence of the learned and holy man. Albrecht looked at Tom with more confusion than ever before. He was obviously puzzled why the Lama connected more so with him than anyone else. Tom said nothing. There was nothing to say. It was for Albrecht to figure out for himself. There was nothing further Tom could do for him, but he was pleased that Albrecht was looking at himself seriously now, and finally realized that he’d been missing something for years. It was now for Albrecht to conclude for himself that filling the void meant trying to learn better ways of living - rather than developing more clever ruses. It had been a good day for them all. Behrens reaffirmed Tom’s assessment, through a knowing smile to him, and a nod of his head. He was glad to see positive changes in his friend, and thanked Tom quietly for initiating them.

Tom rested in his room after the day’s hike, then took a long hot shower before looking for a place for dinner. He found a little restaurant run by a young mixed race couple. They’d just opened, and were clueless about running a restaurant.

“Hello, are you open for business?”

“Yes, yes, come in and sit,” replied the eager young husband, as he waived angrily at his wife to come attend to their guest.

“I leave now, you take care of him!” he said, as he left the building in a huff.

The twosome was puzzling to Tom, they weren’t Nepali, Indian Hindu, or Tibetan; and neither appeared to be of the same race. It was then that Tom realized that they were a mixture of Chinese and Nepali. He was relieved, because it possibly meant a break from the monotonous menu of the trek..... just variations on beans and rice.

“You cook Chinese?” he asked her.

“Yes, can cook Chinese, what you like?”

“Something spicy, Hunan or Szechwan. How about chicken and vegetables?”

“I not sure,” she started tenuously, as her husband came back in the door to pick up something.

She spoke quickly to him in Chinese, and conveyed Tom’s order, while appearing helpless.

“You want chicken dish?” he asked Thomas abruptly.

“Yes, if it’s not too much trouble, I’ll pay you whatever you want.”

“It no trouble, but take time. That ok?”

“Sure, I’ll sit by the window here and drink tea while I wait, o.k.?”

“No problem,” he replied, as they each disappeared to perform their tasks.

Within a few minutes, the woman returned with a pot of tea for Tom, and he thanked her absently as he watched the people on the street. He was particularly curious about two boys who hung about the restaurant window; sneaking around, as they peered in from time to time to look at Thomas. Tom pretended not to notice the attention, and waited until they were close up to his window before speaking.

“Hulllo, how are you today?” he asked, shocking the two boys to sudden silence.

They looked at each other, with questioning eyes, and then made a silent decision between each other before the smallest one spoke.

“Are you doctor?” They say a doctor come this way. Is that you?”

“No, I’m not a doctor.”

“But you look like doctor, we were told about.”

“Well, come in and we can talk,” Tom replied, expecting to have a nice talk while waiting for his food.

The boys ran around the side of the building and into the door, sitting themselves neatly before Tom at his table. Both were well behaved, and polite. The woman walked through the room, and saw the boys. She immediately came to Tom’s table to run them off. Seeing her intention, Tom cut her off before she started.

“I invited them in to talk to me. They won’t cause any trouble, hey boys?”

“No, doctor sir.”

“I told you I wasn’t a doctor, already.”

“Let me see your hands,” the boy said seriously, as the woman looked on with disbelief at his apparent impertinence

Tom held his hands out for his inspection. The boy looked at them intently, and nodded approval.

“You are the doctor who walks from Bhulbhule!” he said with a finality. “You help children, that is true! Suga man!”

“Yes, I walked from Bhulbhule, but that was many days ago,” Tom confirmed reluctantly, “but I only gave medicines for children.”

The woman smiled as she understood the misinterpretation, and spoke to Thomas.

“Here, doctor is someone who has healing energies in them. Good heart, caring, and help other people heal.....with or without medicine. He look at your hands to feel healing energies. They know you are a good man, and since you care and work on healing people who you don’t know, then you are doctor to them,” she explained before she barked off orders to the kids.

“You go now, not bother man!”

“That’s o.k., they can stay and we can talk,” Tom responded kindly, as he was warmed by the surprise of the boys and the evident reputation he’d built along the way of his travels.

“Its a small world and a short life, “he reminded himself, “and I thought I was traveling anonymously. I should’ve realized that people move and talk; not that it would’ve changed anything. It’s just amazing,” he thought to himself and smiled warmly.

All the boys saw was his smile, and it made them smile as a result. The youngest boy spoke again, his suspicions about Thomas now confirmed.

“You help my friend. He is very ill, and needs help.”

“I don’t know what I can do. What’s wrong with your friend?”

“His hand is very hurt, he cut himself badly in the fields and now it is worse.”

The woman smile with a cynical grin, and commented caustically.

“They just try to trick you for money. Go away, you!”

“No, don’t worry. No one tricks me too easily. Please see to the meal, I’ll take care of this,” he said kindly.

The woman left without another word, and the boy looked very concerned as he spoke again.

“I no lie. This true.”

“Well, I’m not sure what I can do, but bring your friend here, ok? Can you do that?”

“Yes, I be back soon. You stay here?”

“Yes, I’ll be here for a while. Don’t worry.”

The boy smiled, and left the restaurant with his older friend. He returned twenty minutes later, with his large friend in tow. The boy walked with his head down, and was terribly shy. Tom could tell that it took some persuading for the boy to come with his friend. Immediately, Tom noticed that the boy’s right hand and forearm were swollen to almost twice the size of his left one. As the boys sat down, Tom reached out to the boy and nearly cried at what he felt. The boy had a two inch gash in his hand that had gotten infected, and the infection had spread up his arm. His skin was taut and stretched from the large amount of extra fluids, and was hot to the touch. Tom held his arm softly, trying to be careful not to hurt him any further. It looked as though his arm were about to burst. The boy, for his part, was healthy and strong and bore his burden well. But, Tom knew that he’d soon lose his arm if something wasn’t done.

“Your friend has a bad infection. His cut wasn’t cleaned good when he got hurt, and bad germs got into him and are taking over. He needs medical attention quickly. I have antibiotics, but he needs to have this lanced and drained first, before anything will do him any good.”

The young boy smiled broadly at Tom’s assessment, and again surprised Tom with his reaction.

“I told him you were a good doctor! This is my brother, and he not believe me. What you say, they tell us at clinic; but we don’t have the money for operation. Can you do it?”

“How much do they want?” Tom asked, relieved; understanding that a ‘clinic’ similar to the other one he’d seen before must be nearby.

“Four hundred rupee,” he replied succinctly.

“I can’t do it, but I can give you the money to have it done. Do you promise to take him right away to the clinic? You must, otherwise he’ll lose his arm. If the infection spreads any further, they’ll have to cut off his arm to save the rest of him. Do you understand? This isn’t just a way to get money, your brother needs immediate help. Do you promise?”

The boy’s face grew very serious at Tom’s words, and it was clear to Tom that he understood the gravity of the situation. Before, he’d obviously been worried; but no one had evidently told him of the consequences of no treatment.

“I do as you say. Soon as we leave you, we go to clinic and have operation.”

“Good, he’ll be o.k. then. Just make sure that he takes all the medicines they give him afterwards. If he stops taking medicine when he feels better, it could come back. Keep taking medicines so that all the little bugs inside him are destroyed, o.k.? You can’t see them, but they are there; and they are what is growing inside him. The operation will drain most of them away, but some will stay inside. The medicine will then kill what’s inside. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand.”

“Good, you’re a very good brother! Your brother is very lucky that you care for him so much, and you save his arm or his life. Here’s the money, and here’s some money for you to buy yourself something as a reward for what you’ve done.”

“I need no reward. I get him to clinic first.”

“That’s good, but you should have some left over; and you deserve a treat, o.k.? Can you promise me you’ll do that too?”

“If there is money left over.”

“Good! Here, be off with you then. Let me know how it turns out, ok?”

“Yes, doctor sir. Thank you so much,” he said with tears coming to his eyes.

“He’ll be o.k., don’t worry. You’ve done good! Just follow through, and all will go well.”

The boy looked at Thomas with adoring eyes, and smiled as he spoke quietly and bowed to him.

“Thank you, good doctor. I knew you have it.”

“What?”

Bodhicitta, venerable one.”

“What’s that?” asked Tom, puzzled.

“Do you not know? But surely you must! You have the determination to achieve Buddhahood. You have mind of infinite altruism, and the will to help others achieve the same. I see this in you.....”

“Thank you, that is most kind. Now, be gone with you, o.k.? Before that woman comes out from her kitchen again, alright?” Tom laughed to relieve the tension that was growing within him.

The boy and his brother bowed silently at Tom, and backed up to the door ...careful not to turn their backs on Thomas as they left. Thomas was touched by their sincerity, and near to tears at the tragedy he hopefully helped to avoid.

“Losing his arm for the lack of ten dollars for lancing and antibiotics. How can I ever live with excess again, knowing that so little can do so much for people? Sally Struthers and Catholic relief services tried to tell us, but who’s listening? I surely wasn’t. And, he calls me doctor.....”

The woman returned to his table with a heaping plate of food.

“Those boys gone? Good riddance! You no bother with them, they no matter.”











©Tibet





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