Chapter 16
“Tex-R-Cana”
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Albrecht and Thomas arrived back at the guesthouse just before dark. As they sat down with Behrens to eat, two porters stumbled into the clearing, and labored up to the porch. They both had tremendous burdens, each carrying two very large backpacks, and multiple bags.
“Have you seen five tourists?” They asked, immediately. “There are five tourists lost in the forest. We are their porters, but we cannot find them. They left many hours before us, but no one has seen them. We are most worried.”
“The woman in the kitchen might have some news, we haven’t seen anyone. But then again, one of us was sleeping, and two of us have been gone for a couple of hours. I know the woman said that she was expecting more people tonight, maybe she’s heard from them? I don’t know. You can leave your stuff here, and check inside.”
“Thank you very much, sorry to bother you,” he replied, as he bowed deeply to Thomas.
“No bother, at all. I hope they show up. If not we can organize a search party, o.k.?”
“That would be most helpful. I will inquire inside though, first.”
“Let us know if we can be of any help,” replied Thomas, as the men stumbled into the guesthouse.
They continued their dinner, enjoyed their time together, and heard nothing more from the porters. Long after they were done eating, the Tibetan woman came out to clear their dishes. It was obvious that she was exhausted; and that her, and her helpers, were ready for bed. It had been laundry day, and wet clothes were hung everywhere on the upper porch to dry.
“Would you like more to eat?” asked the woman.
“No,” was the immediate and unanimous reply from the three guys.
All three understood how exhausted she was.
“Dinner was most wonderful,” complimented Behrens, as Albrecht nodded in assent.
“It was very good, and we were very hungry. Thank you,” said Tom. “Have you heard anything about those lost hikers? Do you send search parties out when people go missing?”
“There is nothing to do. Their poor porters were very tired, and have gone directly to sleep after they ate. We can only expect that they stopped somewhere else, and lost contact with their porters. It happens. It would be unusual for five to disappear. One, maybe two; but not five. They are somewhere. Worry will do no good.”
“Well, goodnight then, and thanks.”
“Good night.”
She went inside, turned off the oil lamps, and went to the back bedroom to sleep. The three men, meanwhile, talked late into the night, and their discussion became very animated.
“What about land mines?”
“What about land mines?” Tom repeated in frustration.
“That's just the point! You Americans make tons of them, leave them all over the world to detonate years later on innocent people; and then deny any knowledge of them!” countered Behrens.
“But we don’t know what comes out of every American factory!”
“You should. The rest of the world evaluates the
“Well, I’m tired of defending people I don’t know. I do know, however, that most Americans believe in everything that’s said about patriotism, freedom, and the American way of self determination. That’s true!”
“Maybe so, but the actions done in your name......and the twisted foreign policy that changes with every administration......“his voice trailed off in disgust.
“It makes you look like a pack of fools at best. Most dictators, who aren't in favor with the present
"Ok, that's enough Behrens! Let’s agree to disagree. I can see from an outside point of view you could come to these conclusions, but try to believe me, it’s just the opposite. Americans are very giving people.”
“Yes, stupid givers. Sometimes giving causes more problems than it solves, if it isn’t managed properly.”
"Ok, ok. That's enough guys,” interjected Albrecht. We won’t solve this one tonight! Let’s enjoy our evening.”
After that, they sat quietly drinking their drinks and searching the star filled sky for constellations.
“I can’t make out even one constellation!” said Thomas in frustration. “I guess that's no surprise, I hardly can anywhere. I still don‘t know how you can make an animal shape out of......”
“Hello there! Anybody home? We’re here!” came a loud and obnoxious voice from the shadows of the clearing, cutting off Tom’s sentence and train of thought.
“The missing
The group of people approached the porch out of the shadows, flashlights blinking in every direction. They didn’t look tired, lost, or even slightly upset. They looked like a group of girl scouts wandering back from the boy’s camp. Only one carried anything more than a handbag, and he carried a light pack. Before long, they were all sitting at the table alongside the guys, and moaning and whining about everything silly under the sun.
“Oh, I’m so tired, and so hungry....” one woman said aloud, to anyone who would listen. “It’s been two hours since I had a meal!”
“Its good to see that you guys are o.k.,” interjected Tom. “Your porters arrived hours ago, and were quite worried about you. They thought you would’ve arrived before them, so they were very concerned.”
“Where are they now?” asked one abruptly.
“Asleep with the entire household. We’re just up late, looking at the stars and discussing world politics.
“Well, I’m hungry, and want some food now!” said one particularly noisy woman in a Texan drawl.
“What’re you having, guys?” she asked her friends, as they looked at the menus that had been left on their table long ago. “I think I’ll have these three dishes, and ....”
“I’m not sure that you heard me,” said Tom politely. “But the woman who runs the place has gone to bed, a long time ago. She was exhausted. We have trail mix, and power bars, and Snickers if you’re hungry. They have to cook everything from scratch here, nothing is pre-prepared; and I’m sure that the kitchen fire is probably already gone out. They don’t have microwaves in the jungle, you know,” Tom said with a laugh, that landed on condescending, and unconcerned stares.
Tom was trying his best to intercede, both for the Tibetan woman’s sake, and for his pride. Five of the six hikers were Americans. He could tell immediately, and so he tried to save them all embarrassment by helping them to be polite. It was a lost cause with a table full of brash, overbearing, self absorbed, and loud people.
“Well, wake up the kitchen staff! We’re here and hungry!” another one said, in an even louder voice; pointedly ignoring Tom’s words.
The noise, discussion, and confusion, eventually resulted in waking up the women inside the guesthouse. Being built of thin boards, with wide open gaps, that wasn’t too hard to do, and it evidently was the plan. Tom tried not to get upset with their rudeness, and their insensitivity to anything other than their selfish wants; but it got harder and harder for him. Especially after the Tibetan woman came out, sleepy eyed; and, they barked off their orders for dinner. Every one of them ordered more food than they would ever eat, totally oblivious of the impact on the poor woman. Being the wonderful Tibetan woman she was, she complied; and did her best to satisfy their outrageous demands.
“Its o.k. if you order too much to eat,” one woman instructed another. “It’s so cheap - just throw away whatever you don’t like. Then you’re assured you’ll get something you like!”
Tom was appalled, Albrecht discomforted, and Behrens got a wicked look in his eye; and a grin on his face that screamed ‘Ah Ha!’ He went in for the kill, subtly and sardonically. He was, after all, Dutch.
“So, where are you fine people from?” he asked in a voice thick with feigned innocence.
“Tex-Ass! Well, all ‘cept Ashira, here! She’s from
Behrens just glowed at having living proof, and undeniable confirmation, of his prior dinner arguments with Tom.
“Oy, Thomas! They are Americans! Maybe they are some of your neighbors?” he asked with faked coyness and sarcasm.
It was all lost on the table of Americans, who went on to destroy any remaining credibility, or sense of character.
“Yeah, we are volunteers! We came here to help the rural Nepali learn how to sort their recyclable plastics from their glass. They had it all wrong! Have you ever met stupider people?” she said with a flourish, and was rewarded with group laughter.
Tom considered what she had said, and knew that he was faced with a question.
“Their ‘charity’ work here, is about as useful as tits on a bull!” he thought, silently. “And to top it off, they probably spent tons of money to do it, trashed their porters and who knows how many local people; and will go home and brag about how generous they were to spend their vacation with the poor, stupid, people of
Tom was suddenly sad. He had been ripped from his day of heaven and sensitivity, to this mess. He decided to respond in a way that would vent his frustration; and hopefully, communicate something that might be understood, one day.
“Unfortunately, yes.....I’ve met stupider people. But, they were much worse, they presumed to know better, and forced their crap on others. People like that only end up destroying something they don’t have the awareness, or interest, to understand. They’re too self righteous, and forever confused, because they’ve come to believe their own bullshit propaganda. Its sad, really,” Tom lamented, sarcastically - but with sincere regret.
“And, to top it all off, they go home and congratulate themselves for their accomplishments. That's how clueless and stupid they are!” added Behrens.
The woman looked at him like a moronic, uncomprehending, cow. One of the men however, remained silent; and took in what they said, in quiet understanding.
“Sorry Thomas, but I’m suddenly tired. I think we’d better be off to bed now,” Albrecht interjected diplomatically, and with genuine concern for Tom.
Neither of them really equated Tom with these people; but they were expressing sincere pity. Tom couldn’t fault them, and wanted to crawl under the table. He had thought that he couldn’t be embarrassed by anything; and here he was, shaking his head in bewilderment, at these obnoxious representatives of his country. It wasn’t just that they were too loud, rude, or self absorbed. People could have gotten over that, because some Europeans excelled at that too.. It was the simple fact that they expected everyone to cater to them the minute they arrived; and that they sincerely believed that the world seemed to exist only for their benefit, or false beneficence. They hadn’t guessed that Tom was American, and so they treated him like Euro-trash. For the first time, he felt what it was like to be faced with ‘The Ugly American.’ It was a total lack of cultural sensitivity, wrapped up in a golden cloak of hypocrisy.
“Goodnight, guys. I’ll see you at breakfast,” Tom replied.
He decided to stay with the Americans, and to do what he could to help them out. He regretted his remark, and hoped to get them to see things differently by being more constructive.
“Yeah, we waited two days for our plane to get clearance to leave Sabche; and were literally stranded in Chame. It was horrible!”
“The plane couldn’t fly out Sabche with the strong winds, and heavy cloud cover. They told us that the conditions were much too dangerous. So we had to resort to walking. Can you imagine that? We have been forced to walk for twelve hours! So very tiring. I shall be glad to be returning home,” whined the Indian woman.
“Pure H.I.P.,” thought Tom. “Hindu Indian Princess type. Worse than our J.A.P.s in
“But, it’s only a seven hour hike uphill to Chame. How can it take 12 hours to go downhill? I’d think that it’d be five hours at the most, downhill. Your porters left three hours after you, loaded down with all your packs; and they still arrived three hours before you. It’s no wonder that they thought you were hurt, or lost,” observed Thomas as objectively as he could.
“Oh, we stopped for lunch, dinner, and took a nap along the way,” one of the women replied.
At this admission, one of the men rolled his eyes heavenward in embarrassment.
“Well, it doesn’t really matter how long it took you to get here, half of the fun is the trip, right?” soothed Tom.
“I suppose,” answered one.
“Well, it’s too bad that you couldn’t fly out. But, it gives you the chance to spend time with local folks, and to get to know their real lives. So many people zoom in, and zoom back out, and never really.....”
“Oh, we can’t stay! We must fly from
“But surely they know where you are, and that things happen. They can’t expect that you can fly into rural
“Oh, no. We all have two weeks off!” he replied.
“Guys,” Tom said incredulously, “I’m from
“We aren't here to understand anything. What's there to understand?” interrupted the loud mouthed woman intentionally, and with vehemence. “These people are a mess. We come here, get our work done, and go. They should follow our example and be more efficient. If they were, we wouldn’t have to be here showing them what to do with their recyclables!” she added, with heavy condescension.
“Who asked you to come?” asked Tom, sincerely.
“Some concerned businessmen. They needed money for receptacles, so we came to show them which ones to use, and how to use them.”
“Well I hate to tell you, but the King’s Trust manages The Annapurna Sanctuary - not ‘businessmen.’ No offense, because I know that you’re well intentioned; but if a Hindu businessman got you here, it was to fleece you and take advantage of your good intentions.”
“But that can’t be true, Ashira knows these people,” the quiet woman said, as she looked to Ashira.
Then it all came clear to Tom. Ashira was fronting for the local con men. Her shocked look was quickly hidden, but not before Tom saw it. He’d hit a little too close to the truth. Tom decided however that it wouldn’t help these people to feel like they’d wasted their efforts totally. They were, after all, at least trying to do something good; regardless of their manners and issues.
“Well, then I’m sure that the money will go to good purposes, eh Ashira? You know Ashira, it might be nice to send pictures back to
“That's a great idea, Tom,” interjected the man who understood his earlier commentary.
Ashira looked nearly pale at the suggestion.
“Yes, I am sure that could be arranged - eventually.”
“I think it helps people to see the results. It really impressed me to see the C.A.R.E. and U.N.I.C.E.F. names on the village water sources. I remember doing ’Trick or Treat’ for UNICEF at Halloween when I was a kid. We sent in lots of hard earned nickels and dimes. It was really nice to see that it resulted in safe water sources for each village, and for the terraced farming program. Peace Corps did tremendous work too. The rural Nelapi are now fairly self sufficient. I wouldn’t mind living here! It’s so beautiful and serene.”
“Oh God! I can’t wait to get to a real hotel, and a hot bath. These showers are so stupid. Really, a tank of water above each shower, and you have to wait until they heat it! It’s so silly!”
“Well, I’d limit my showers until I got home, or at least until
“Gee, I didn’t know....” commented the nice woman.
“How could you? Considering that it takes nearly a week in travel time, you only have a little over a week here. So that makes you dependant upon whoever is guiding you. It isn’t always in their financial interest to tell you everything, or even the truth. One has to be very careful of whose advice to take.”
“Well, you are full of.....Advice, Tom!” said the loudest and rudest woman.
“I don’t like to force anything on anyone; but I’m a fellow American, and have been here a little longer. So I’m just doing what I can to help you out. Lots of people helped me. Things in this part of the world are quite different, so I’m just trying to assist....if I can.”
“Well, I’ll let you know if I want any!” she said abusively.
The Indian princess beamed at the woman’s direct attack on Tom.
“So, this is how it is!” he commented to himself. “If I try to help, I’m upstaging miss weak ego ’leader.’ If she’d been more polite, and halfway right, I would’ve left her alone; but she’s a bigger mess than I thought. The other ones seem sincere, just inexperienced. This one’s in it for the glory. She wants to go home with a: ’we saved the natives, give me a promotion,’ message. She knows the whole thing’s corrupt, and she doesn’t care. She only cares about building her bogus reputation!”
Tom forced himself to hold his dinner down - he felt like vomiting. Being obnoxious, rude, and overbearing was bad enough....if only embarrassing. But co-joined in a corrupted giving scam with the Indian princess, was over the top. The gauntlet had been thrown. She was corrupt as hell. Some of the worst
“I hate to overstep my boundaries, but....” he started, and then waited for the other conversations at the table to stop, so that he had their full attention.
“From one American to another, you have shown incredible disregard for the local people. First, to not respect them for whom they are, and their culture for what it is. Secondly, and most importantly, for their safety. The people are so starved for hard currency here that porters will do anything to make cash for their families. That's why they have posters up everywhere informing hikers to be sensitive and aware of the fact that they’ll walk through snow barefooted, and without proper coats, in order to carry your stuff - risking death through hypothermia. Twenty died last year alone! Porters cost a couple of dollars a day. You have two porters carrying five people’s packs! They came in here, six hours faster than you, with all of your crap on their backs because they thought that you’d need your things. They ate some food, and collapsed out of sheer exhaustion! Spend a few more dollars, and hire a couple more if you’re too lazy to do it yourself. And if that isn’t enough, I suggest that you do your homework before you bluster your way through people’s homes and lives. The poor woman here was too nice and polite to tell you that your requests for dinner at this hour, especially since you didn’t even need it, were outrageous. Then, you insult her by leaving half of it uneaten! Finally, the preservation trust for The Annapurna Sanctuary expires in ten months; with no efforts being made to re-instate it. The Chinese want to pave a road down the middle of the circuit, destroying one of the most beautiful places in the world! And you’re worried about sorting glass from plastic! Please! Wake the hell up. If you sincerely want to help, as I can tell some of you want to, then spend your time and money lobbying for the Trust to be re-instated, in perpetuity. That's it! I’m sorry folks. I stayed up to help out nicely, but this leader of yours is so damned insensitive, that I’ve had to resort to talking like this.....just to get the point across. I see that some of you have caught on, but not missy here! So wrapped up in personal glory, regardless of the effects on others, she’ll do anything. Earlier, I was embarrassed to be considered an American by association. My Dutch friends went to bed so I wouldn’t be as embarrassed. Now I just feel sad for her, and hope that you guys salvage what you can from your trip. It’s not all a waste. I think we learn a lot by visiting other countries; but it doesn’t have to be at others expense, eh? I’m just trying to make the rest of your trip, and your work on behalf of
But before he could leave, she lunged. She wasn’t embarrassed at being caught at her game; she was cold, calculating, and vindictive in her counterattack.
“The Chinese have wanted to do that for years, they never will. You don’t know anything! We don’t want your help.”
“I’ll respond to that, and then go to bed. I’ve got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. The Chinese have bulldozers waiting at the border. The King, the Chinese, and
Tom walked away from the silent table, and ignored the catcalls that came from the obsessed woman as he reached the stairs.
“I am sooo not buying into her drama. Done, fini!” he said to himself, as he walked to his room.
The next morning came early, but Thomas felt fully rested. He regretted the scene from the night before; but he wasn’t sure that it was avoidable, given the circumstances and his level of intolerance for bullshit. It had affected him briefly, but he was resolved to move beyond it. Regardless of the taunts he expected from the Texan woman. He had other concerns, like Anna Suga.
“Good morning, love,” He said to the bird. “Today is our last time together,” he said sadly. “I think this is a great home for you, and you’ll make the woman very happy. Is it o.k. if I leave you here with her?”
The bird chirped merrily, and spouted something in Nepalese. It wasn’t exactly a direct answer to Tom’s question, but he could tell that she was content and relaxed in the environment of the guesthouse.
“I thought so. This is a good thing for all of us. Too bad for Marie, however. She’ll never know you! But I’ll get the guys to take our picture, o.k.?”
“Tom, you ready yet?” asked Albrecht, as he walked into the room.
“Not quite. But I did make a decision! I’m leaving Anna here with the old woman.”
“I know it’s hard for you, and that she’s a great bird and all; but it’s probably the best thing for her.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks for understanding, and not laughing at me. All sentimental over a bird, and everything.”
“Hey, she isn’t just a bird. She’s your little friend,” he said, as he petted the birds head with his forefinger.
Tom set the bird back down on the chair, and finished packing his bag while Albrecht fed the bird some dried fruits. They proceeded downstairs, and Tom dropped his bag as he headed for the kitchen with the bird perched on his finger. Albrecht went back to join Behrens at breakfast. They were nearly done eating, and were waiting on Tom to leave.
“Hello, Mr. Thomas and Miss Anna Suga!” the Tibetan woman said happily, upon seeing them.
“We’re about ready to go, and if I don’t go quick I might change my mind. But, I’d like to leave Anna Suga with your mother. I think it’ll be great for her, and the bird. We’re going through Thorung La, and its supposed to be very high up, cold, and full of ice and snow. So Anna would be at risk going there. I hadn’t realized what these high altitudes really meant. Things mean one thing intellectually, but you don’t really understand it until you live it.”
“Like so many things, yes?”
“Yes. Again, you humble me with your deep understanding; and I feel even better leaving her here. Is this what you want? I don’t want to leave you with more work - taking care of a spoilt bird.”
“She’ll be no trouble, and will bring much happiness to my mother. She sits there all day, and gets very lonely. The bird will be well cared for, and loved.”
“Good, I thought so. I’m going to set her down by your mother, take a picture, and leave quickly, o.k.?”
"Ok, Thomas. I can tell that you love this bird very much. She is a very lucky bird.”
“No, I think I’ve been lucky. Lucky to have had her, and luckier still to have gotten to know so many more people because of her. Thank you for your hospitality, and for taking her. Please explain it all to your mother, o.k.?”
“Yes, I will.”
Tom walked to the common room, with the bird still on his finger. Anna knew that something was up, because his mood was very different. He was very sad to leave her. Anna cooed, almost like a dove or pigeon, and rubbed up against Tom’s face. Behrens was already standing by the old woman with camera in hand. He knew how hard it was for Thomas, and he was trying his best to make it easier. Tom sat on the small cot, close to the old woman, and set the bird down between them. The old woman sat quietly as her daughter explained Tom’s gift to her. A smile came to her face as her daughter talked, and it grew in size, and warmth, as she looked at Tom. Behrens snapped a couple of pictures, and Tom rose quickly. He gave both women a big hug before he left the room. He tried to hide the tears that came, unbidden, to his eyes; but it didn’t really matter. He walked silently, along the path. Away from the guesthouse, and onto his next adventure - alone. Behrens and Albrecht followed quietly behind.
********
“We should be able to get to Koto today,” Albrecht said, as they rested at their first teahouse.
“I don’t know Albrecht, the distance isn’t far; but we’ll be going up pretty fast and pretty high from here on out. Looking at my handy-dandy map here,” Tom said with a jovial laugh. “We’ll go up almost 1200 meters today if we go that far. That's almost 4,000 feet to us Yankees!”
“That's too much for me,” commented Behrens.
“Let me see that map, I didn’t realize it rose that fast.”
“See here?” Tom said, as he pointed to his map.
While Albrecht stood closely over his shoulder, his warm breath brushed strongly against Tom’s face.
“Yes, I see that you are right. Maybe Danaque or Bagarchaap would be far enough? That would be about 650 meters rise,” Albrecht conceded, as he lingered close to Tom.
They stayed close together a few more minutes, considering the map and the trek plans for the next couple of days. Both men felt comfortable and happy with their growing intimacy. Behrens was relatively unaware of the fast growing bond between them, as he was more concerned with his physical exertions. The rise in altitude was pressing him, while Albrecht and Tom bounded joyfully along. Hiking was tiring on them, but they were both happy with themselves and each other. Also Albrecht was in excellent physical shape, and Tom’s legs were his strongest feature. The adjustment to lower levels of oxygen affected them, but not as hard as it did Behrens. After the forth river crossing of the day, they stopped for an extended rest in Dharapani. All three of them were exhausted by then, and their breathing was labored. They found a clean and relatively new guesthouse with long wide tables that could easily seat twenty or more people. But they were the only ones there, other than the young woman who ran the place. They ordered two orders of Dal Bot for each of them, and pulled each others hiking boots off to give their feet some much needed relief. Tom was tired, but happy with the moderated pace and the push that Albrecht was silently setting. Behrens was tired, and just holding his own. Albrecht was tired, but content....if a little bored.
“I’m soooo hungry,” Albrecht said to Tom.
“Me too. Let’s eat a Snickers, or two; while we wait for the food.”
"Ok, I’ll treat this time.”
“This time? It’s your turn! I got the last two!”
“Oh, who’s counting?”
“Me,” Tom said with a laugh. “I’ll wait out here, I need some air. It’s too warm inside for me.”
"Ok, see ya.”
“Behrens, Behrens?” Tom called to him quietly, as he lay, eyes closed, on the outside table.
“Guess you’re asleep,” he said as one last attempt to test his friend’s awareness. “Dead to the world, are ye!” Tom joked.
After a few minutes, Tom began to wonder where Albrecht was with the candy bars. He went inside the building to find Albrecht leaning across the counter, nearly cheek to cheek with the girl who worked there. Laughing at his friend’s dalliance, Tom went back outside to give him the time and space he needed for whatever he planned. He knew Albrecht was a perpetual flirt, and he found it charming.
“Guess we might be spending the night here, Behrens,” he said to his inert form.
“What? Here?” he replied surprisingly.
“Crikey! I thought ye dead!” Tom joked. “It’s as if the dead ‘ave arisen, it is!”
“You aren't a Brit! What’s with the cockney?”
“Just funning about, mate! I’m in a good mood.”
“What about us staying here tonight?”
“I dunno. Just a guess, Albrecht has found hisself some play, ‘e ‘as!”
“Really?”
“Reeelly!”
“That one never stops. I’ll never figure him out.”
“It seems quite simple to me, he’s horny.”
“It’s more than that.”
"Ok, whatever. I’ll just leave him time, then go in and get my candy bar if he doesn’t come out soon.”
Behrens fell back to sleep, and Tom went back inside after about twenty minutes. He found Albrecht and the woman where they were before, only this time they were kissing. It was clear that the conversation had gone beyond intimate, and they were heating up. They noticed the sound of the door however, and broke off as Tom came in.
“Sorry, I’ll just....” Tom started.
“Oh, no, come in,” said Albrecht. “I’ve forgotten your candy bar. Here it is, sorry. I got distracted.”
“Yeah, I can see. I’ll just come back later.”
“No the foods ready, lets eat!”
"Ok, if that's what you want. I don’t mind waiting.”
“No, go get Behrens. Let’s eat.”
Tom left, and brought Behrens in to eat. All three of them dove into the food with a relish, and cleaned their plates quickly. As they talked and ate, the pretty young woman brought more food and drinks over, and looked for any excuse she could to get close to Albrecht. Albrecht, for his part, encouraged her shamelessly.
“If it didn’t take so long to cook, I’d order more,” said Behrens.
“No, too much and you won’t feel like hiking anymore today.”
“We aren't going on anymore, are we?” asked Behrens.
“Sure we are! We said we’d try to get to at least Bagarchaap. I don’t want to get too far behind.”
“Behind what?” asked Tom jokingly. “I told Behrens that we’d probably be staying tonight because you found someone you liked. She seems really nice. Reeelly nice.”
“Her? That twat? Just a bit of lunchtime fun, she is. We have to be moving on. Lets get our boots back on, and get going!”
Tom couldn’t hide his shock. The place was nice, Behrens was tired, and Albrecht had spent the last two hours seriously flirting with the woman. This wasn’t what he expected to happen. Behrens simply groaned, and walked towards his boots. The young woman, seeing activity, came over to the table and looked surprised.
“I thought that you were staying here?” she asked Albrecht with sincere concern.
“Jokes on you. We’ve got to be going. See you, and thanks for a great lunch!”
The woman’s face registered shock, and then hurt. Her head went down, and she walked away quickly into the kitchen.
“Damn dude, that was harsh!” Tom commented, surprised.
Albrecht said nothing, and just grinned.
They resumed their measured pace, and eventually made it to Danaque. In Danaque they found another large guesthouse that was nearly deserted. It was off season, and Tom was glad for that. He didn’t think the experience would have been the same if the guesthouse had been full of people. After they checked into their rooms, Tom went to the showers to clean up. While he waited for a shower, he sat and talked to an intriguing young Israeli man. He was a smallish guy, but well muscled, and reminded Tom of a close friend in
“This is my big trip. Maybe my last trip. I just graduated from The University of Tel Aviv, and now I have to take my tour of duty in the Army.”
“Really, everyone does?”
“It’s mandatory. And given current circumstances, it has a fatality rate close to 50%.”
“Jesus! Opps, you guys don’t believe in him do you?”
“Ahhh, that is our big guilt.....we killed Jesus!” he said with a nervous laugh.
“Hey, you could have offended me, you know!” Tom said with mock seriousness.
“Really? I am very sorry. That is the last thing I would want to do. You are a very special person, Thomas; and I feel very close to you now.”
“Hey, I’m just kidding. Don’t worry, I can tell you’re a great person.”
“Thanks. Its hard, you know....”
“What is?”
“Being close to men. Its not very well accepted back in
“Ohhhh, that....” Tom said, now better understanding his meaning.
“Hey, it’s all cool with me.”
“Really?”
“Reeelly!”
“Why do you say that word so funny?”
“It’s just a joke from some other guys I hiked with. They’re from
Tom wasn’t interested in anything with the guy, but he didn’t want to hurt him by showing distain or offense at his sincere advances. Tom had knowingly let the conversation go, so that Saul could come out to him. He needed to talk to someone. Tom knew that just letting him open up, helped him tremendously
“That makes sense. Thanks for being clear with me.”
“No problem, I think you’ve got the right idea. Be yourself, and spend the next couple of months exploring everything. You’ve got a tough road ahead of you, and you don’t need to go there with any kind of regrets or ‘wish I hads.’ It sounds cruel and harsh, but the reality is that you might be dead next year. You said so yourself. For that matter, we all might be; but your chances are a bit higher. I think everyone should live everyday like it’s their last. That doesn’t mean doing bad things, or being irresponsible, or hurting other people in the process; but it does mean living life as you are, who you are, without regrets. Just being the best that we can be, and leaving nothing unsaid, or undone. Life’s too short for any of us to waste it playing games, or not truly living life. I think that people who know they might die soon are the ones who really learn to value each day, and to live life to its fullest. No bullshit, just real life!”
“Reeelly?” he asked with a teasing laugh.
“Reeelly! Silly!” Tom replied. “Now give me a big hug!”
Saul leaned over and hugged Tom, and held him tight. Tom could feel the pent-up tension drift out of his tense body, and he smiled at the guy’s release. As Tom looked over his shoulder, he could see Albrecht coming their way.
“Thanks so much for being with me, Thomas. You are a special person, and I feel so much better just to be able to talk to someone without judgments. I didn‘t choose this, it‘s who I am. I must be true to that, or surely I will want to die. It’s not so easy in
“I understand, you’re a great guy. Don’t forget that. While you feel a little shaky right now, you’ll feel better and stronger, as you are true to yourself - without any shame. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of; a loving God wouldn’t make you this way to torture you. Jeez, if half the people I knew were half as brave as you, half as bright as you.......”
He smiled broadly at Tom in real appreciation.
“Hey, here comes one of the guys I’m hiking with. Do you want to meet us for dinner tonight?”
Without turning his back to look, he answered quickly.
“Sure thing. I’ll bring my friend I am hiking with. He is joining the army too.”
“Great! Hey Albrecht, this is Saul. He’s from
Saul turned to look at Albrecht, and his face lit up with a beaming smile. It was clear that he thought Albrecht was a walking God. Albrecht, for his part, didn’t hesitate; and began flirting with him the minute they shook hands. Saul literally shook as he clasped hands with Albrecht, and Tom instantly became concerned. He didn’t care if they wanted to hook up; but he didn’t want a repeat of lunchtime, either. They all talked for a while, and then split up. Albrecht and Tom went to shower, and Saul went to meet his friend. Tom said nothing to Albrecht about anything. By the time he’d gotten done with his shower, Albrecht had gone to his room. They all met later at dinner. Behrens, Albrecht, and Tom were together first; and then the two Israelis joined them. Dinner went well, but Tom became more concerned about Albrecht. He flirted shamelessly with Saul, who was seated across the table from him and next to Thomas. After saying, or doing, something flirty Albrecht would give Tom a wink. Halfway through dinner, Albrecht excused himself to go the bathroom. Tom got up a couple of minutes later, with the intention of meeting him.
“Albrecht?”
“Hey, Tom. How’s it hanging?”
“Does that really matter? Seriously, I’ve got to talk to you. I know its none of my business, but.....”
“But what?”
“I had a long talk with Saul today, before I introduced you to him.”
“Yeah, I saw.”
“Well something you may not know, is that the guy is gay and just coming out.”
“No shit, could have fooled me!” he said with a laugh.
“Seriously, he’s o.k. with himself; but he’s very vulnerable right now, and emotionally fragile. After this trip, he’s going into the army. Given the percentages, he’ll probably die. So this could be the last part of his life. If you’re interested in him, go there; and treat him right. If you aren't and you’re just playing with him, like you did that woman today; then stop, and leave the poor bastard alone. If you lead him along and drop him, like you did that woman, it could destroy him. So, go there if you plan on going there. But back off, if its just a game to you. Otherwise it’d be tremendously cruel.”
Albrecht’s face flushed as Tom spoke to him, and he did nothing to hide his anger.
“You’re right, it isn’t any of your business! You’re not my father!”
“I don’t want to be your father. God deliver me from that job! I just won’t sit by, and watch you trash the poor bastard. Got it!”
“Got it. Now don’t talk to me anymore!”
“Deal!”
When they returned to the table, they returned as if their discussion had never happened; except, Albrecht stopped flirting with Saul. Eventually Saul grew upset when his advances were ignored, and he realized the big change in attention from Albrecht. At one point he caught Albrecht giving Tom a snotty look, and he misinterpreted it. Saul thought that Tom had stopped Albrecht, capriciously, for whatever reasons. By the time dinner was over, he became distant from everyone at the table. Tom tried to catch him as he left, but he moved too quickly.
The next morning, the two Israelis left very early; and Tom barely caught him as they left.
“I just want you to know, everything I said yesterday I meant.”
“What did you say to Albrecht?”
“To respect you. If he was sincerely interested in you, to go with you. If not, he shouldn’t mess with you and hurt your feelings. One thing you’re going to run into as you try to meet people, is sadistic people who like teasing others for their own twisted reasons. Just remember, it’s not about you. It’s their issue, but they’ll still hurt you. They’ll hurt you bad, until you can discern the sincere ones from the players.”
Curiosity overcame his surprise, and Saul asked: “how can you tell?”
“It’s not easy. I don’t know what to tell you, except to test their sincerity in little ways, before you let go totally. Because once you let go totally with anyone, woman or man, they can destroy your innocence, self image, and hope, with one word. Don’t give anyone that power over you, until you’re reasonably sure that they’re emotionally responsible. It won’t protect you from being hurt, but it’ll protect you from being irreparably trashed. Albrecht, and guys like him, are slick in one way; but they’re deeply troubled people who take out their pain out on others. Good luck, o.k.?” "O.k., and thanks for everything,” he replied softly; with a warm and sincere smile.
“No worries.”
After a wordless breakfast, the threesome of Albrecht, Behrens, and Thomas, strapped
on their heavy backpacks; and silently started a long, and painful, day together.
***************
©Tibet, Lamplight Unto a Darkened World…the American Delusion, a Parody of life ( L'illusion Américaine, une Parodie de Vie); is copyright protected, by author, Patrick Mahoney. Online Internet Reproduction/Propagation/Quotation Encouraged, with this citation. Any Printed reproduction, other than for personal reading, requires written permission by author, patrickm at http://patrickm.gather.com/ or patrick1000000000@yahoo.com
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