Chapter 25
Things aren't always what they seem to be...
“I’m a lumber jack, and I’m O.K. I sleep all night, and work all day....”
-Monty Python
Tom was just finishing breakfast when the German couple sat down to his table.
“You are the early riser, eh Thomas?”
“Yes, unusually so; but I think I’d better get back to
“We've decided to stay here a while, and visit the temples. There’s one carved right into the mountain here. And, Catherine really likes this village,” commented Lars.
“Yes, I would like to do a little touring today,” she confirmed.
“Sounds good to me,” said Tom.
“I’ll probably see you guys in
“Good luck on your travels, Thomas,” said Catherine sincerely; as Lars smiled, nodding his head.
“You too! You guys are very lucky to be together, keep that happening, o.k.? It’s not that often that I meet two people so suited for each other. See you!” Tom said.
He quickly picked up his pack and began walking away from breakfast, from them, from the guesthouse, from the village; and, again from people in general.
“Ahhhh,” he thought, “alone at last, alone at last!“
He joyfully strode out of town, venturing through the last leg of the trek.
Tom hiked alone, and was very appreciative of his quiet time. But that wasn’t to last for long. The terrain turned downward, into a flat and barren plateau - with a river running down the middle of it. Before long, Tom was ambling along an ancient riverbed; its current occupant being much narrower than the original river, but every bit as wild. The riverbed was a gray, rocky moonscape; and wide open, for as far as the eye could see. Ahead of him he spied another hiker, but he couldn’t tell much about him from his present distance. Within half an hour he was walking alongside a burly, strongly built, and scruffy lumberjack.
“Hello there, what’s your name?” he asked Tom when they got close enough to talk.
“Thomas, yours? “
“Jonas.”
“You don’t look like the typical hiker, Jonas. Where are you from, and what do you do?”
“
“You are not a lumberjack! They only exist in Monty Python songs, and Paul Bunyan stories. Turn around, let me see what a real lumberjack looks like.”
Jonas blushed, laughed, and turned around jokingly; as if he was being inspected, like a new oddity.
“Don’t you dare start singing that awful song from Monty Python!” he laughed, good naturedly.
“You mean the “I’m a lumberjack, and I’m ok....”
“Eeeks! I told you no!” he laughed.
“So what does a lumberjack do these days? Are you truly a woodchuck who chucks wood?” Tom laughed.
“Hey bud, I outweigh you by about 100 pounds; I wouldn’t get wise if I were you!” he warned, like a sleepy puppy.
“What, you want me to get as dumb as a lumberjack? “ Tom teased, as he ran away from him, laughing.
Jonas quickly caught up with Tom, and grabbed him by the shoulders.
“Now if you don’t behave yourself, I’ll have to see if you can swim those waters by tossing you in!”
“I’m shaking in fear,” laughed.
“It’s not fair! You know I won’t do anything to you! How can you tell?” he asked, half joking; half seriously.
“Youse a bumble without any teeth!” Tom joked. Then, quickly added: “And that’s really o.k.. I just can tell you’re a great guy, and it’s hard to not tease you. It’s fun to see you laugh. You know, us little guys only have that; while you can just walk into a room, and make a statement. Itsa little guy thing.”
“Bah, you aren't little! And its not guys that do it; mostly it’s the darned girls. They tease me incessantly. That's why I’m hiking alone. I left them all to their own devices, a few days back. They were driving me nuts!”
“Well, I won’t drive you nuts; I just had to be sure that my initial assessment was right. That you were a good guy to hike with. I’m soooo over hiking with Primo Dona’s . You seemed like a nice guy, I just wanted to be sure. I won’t tease you anymore,” Tom said, with blatant sarcasm.
“That’s o.k., you can......cuz you are in for it yourself now!” he said, as he chased Tom with his open bottle of water - soaking him, as he tried to run.
They both landed, out of breath, at the edge of the river; panting and laughing, five minutes later.
“You’re too fun!” Tom said, laughing. “I needed that. This hike was getting way too serious. You know, all those introspective thoughts, and stuff....”
“Don’t you start again, or you’ll be swimming!”
“I’m not. Don’t worry. So tell me about your friends, where did you come from?”
“Oh we’ve been doing mission work in the back country for a couple of months; and are on our way home. I just got fed up with those guys. The girls whined about how heavy their packs were, so I’d feel guilty and carry them. The packs weren’t too heavy for them, they just were lazy; but I felt like a pack animal. Then another guy and I hiked together, to get away from them; and he held me back too much. I think he liked me in ‘another way,’ if you know what I mean. I’ve been with them for months, and they want me to do everything for them; because I’m so much bigger. So I struck off on my own, to be alone. I needed a break.”
“Well, I won’t get in your way. I know what its like to want to hike alone. I came on this trip alone, and seem to be with someone all the time. Even you, just now. I thought this last stretch would be alone. Then bingo, a lumberjack from West Virginny. Seriously, who would’ve believed it?”
“This place is funny that way. I’ve met people I’d never expected; and the local people, they’re so nice in the country. I don’t go much for
“I agree. I love it. And the mountains....” Tom’s voice trailed off.
They were both quiet then, smiled at each other, as kindred spirits do; and knew that it was a deal.
“I don’t want to get in the way of you being alone, now. I can walk ahead of you, if you’d like. I’m not too sure I could walk slow enough, to stay behind you that is; but....”
“What? You can’t keep up with me, much less be ahead of me! Anyways I like you, so we should stick together. But you gotta keep up with me!”
“Pluuueese. That extra hundred pounds is only going to slow you down; try to keep up with me! Men! Always so easy to bait into a challenge! You have more hormones that muscle.”
“Oh, yeah!”
“Yeah!” Tom snipped back, laughing with his new friend.
They hiked alongside each other at a brisk, yet steady, pace; and quickly struck up an easy and comfortable bond. They talked, and walked along; both happy for the lighthearted relief that they offered each other. The trail led back into forests as they got down into lower altitudes. The last part of the circuit gradually descended from 2,600 meters in Larjung, to 820 meters in Pokhara. It was quite a change for Tom - from the 5,400 meters of the pass. Unfortunately, the trail went up and down as it ultimately descended, making the hike still very challenging. But there was something about being in the last days of the trek that made it feel easier going. That, and Tom’s new friend, made the trip painless.....until the end.
“Hey, why do people act so odd when we walk through a village?” Tom asked Jonas, confused. “Some people are really nice to you, and others seem terrified of you. Don’t they know that you’re just a big ‘ole puppy dog?”
“Only you, and a few others, know that Thomas!” he said with a wink.
“Seriously, what is it?”
“Its the backpack! I bought my pack at an army surplus store at home, and carried it with me on the plane. Its all camo, and army looking.”
“Yeah, so what?”
“They think I’m a mercenary soldier. The mountains are full of ‘em. What with the Maoists, and the problems they’ve caused with the locals, the government has hired mercenary soldiers to pick them off. Its been that way the entire time I’ve been here. And since I don’t talk much......”
“Says who?” Tom interrupted.
“Since I don’t talk to strangers much.....” he added drolly, “they assume I’m mercenary. This place isn’t want it seems, Thomas.”
“Yeah, I figured that out in
“Its the damned Chinese, Thomas. Them, and the Indians, want
“I don’t get exactly what you mean.”
“In
“Yeah I noticed that, and I’ve been distributing some myself. Once, in a village where I could buy some. The rest, I handed out samples a doctor friend gave me. It’s something I didn’t expect. I would’ve brought more with me, if I’d known. But then I’d worry that they take them wrong.”
“You’re right, you can’t just leave antibiotics without someone who knows how to administer them. Otherwise some people will just eat them all at once, thinking it’ll cure them quicker.”
“Americans do that, and they should know better.”
“People! Whadda ya gonna do?”
“I don’t know, but I wonder how some of them can behave; and it isn’t just the Chinese. They just don’t hide it as well as some Americans and Europeans. When money and power are your Gods; people’s basic human rights seem to disappear, in favor of profits and control. I understand Jimmy Carter’s human rights work much better now. It must’ve really rankled some assholes to have him tie foreign aid to human rights. Kind of clever, eh?”
“Yeah, it all weighs on me after a while.”
“Me too. Lets just walk for a while, and enjoy the scenery, o.k.?” suggested Tom.
“Sure,” Jonas said with a relieved smile.
“I’m sure glad I met you. It’s good to know that there are such nice lumberjacks around! Makes the world a better place, huh?” Tom teased him with a compliment.
Tom got a ‘golly shucks’ smile from his justified compliment, and they walked on in silence for a few hours. They took breaks throughout the day; but Jonas, true to his word, was a moving man - and set a relentless pace. Tom was doing fine keeping up with him, but his feet were feeling the effects.
“The villages seem much more commercial on this side of the circuit, don’t they?”
“Yeah, I really don’t like them here so much. Some are o.k.; but I’d rather just walk on through them all. There isn’t much to see but squalor.”
“That's interesting in itself, isn’t it? They have more money in these villages, due to more tourism spending; but it’s only resulted in worse living conditions and less happy people.”
“The others don’t really want for anything, except maybe medicines. Here, people are made to feel like they’re beneath the hikers, and that the hikers have much more than them. They’ve lost their pride, and quality of life, in exchange for a toaster oven or a village T.V.. T.V. is the worst. They see American life, and feel like they’re poor; when really they live in heaven. If we didn’t send them T.V., and military issues, they’d be much happier than most Americans. It gets them onto a consumerism track that they can never really achieve. It’s sick, really. And what's sicker, is that we do it to them. They’d be better off, if we just left them all alone. Clean water, and antibiotics - that’s about all they need from us!”
Tom listened to Jonas in silence. He was continually amazed at the man’s compassion, love, and caring. He was doing something with his life; and while Tom felt a tinge of guilt at not being better, he was also encouraged to do better. Jonas was a good example to anyone, and Tom agreed with him on most everything. They barely touched on religion, even though Tom knew that Jonas had come with a church group. He wasn’t trying to force any religion on anyone. He came to help, and he did. He even helped Tom, without knowing it. As Tom was mulling this over, they came upon a contingent of armed soldiers. The path they were on was narrow, and could only handle single file passage. Tom’s heart skipped a beat as he saw the group of men in army camo uniforms marching their way; rifles in hand, and ready to fire. Jonas was just ahead of Tom, and spoke to Tom quietly, swiftly, and with a gentle command.
“Just smile, and let them pass Thomas. Don’t move suddenly, or look down. Let me handle it.”
Tom was happy to hear his words of confidence, and he did exactly what he was told to do. As the long line of army soldiers approached, their serious faces turned into welcome smiles; and they nodded their caps to Jonas as they passed. To them, he was one of their brethren - a mercenary meant to ferret out Maoists. They were actually happy, and appreciative, to see the large man who towered over them......nearly twice their size. Tom, for his part, was happy to see the rifles pointed down to the ground, as orders were barked to the men by their leaders. The men were gone in a few minutes, and Tom wasn’t sure that it had been real. It seemed more surreal than real, and part of his mind wanted to pretend that it wasn’t as serious as it appeared.
“Something’s up, Thomas. I haven’t seen those kind of army guys in this part of
“I haven’t seen those kind of guys at all. And, I haven’t missed them. But I’d much rather see them than Maoists,” added Thomas.
“Once they realize you’re a real tourist hiker; they won’t bother you. They like tourists. Tourists bring in money. It’s the Maoists you have to worry about, they like to harass and rob tourists......even killing a few....to disrupt the tourism business. The Chinese thrive on chaos and confusion; and they ever so subtly initiate it every chance that they can. They want to look like the solution to a problem of mismanagement. So they disrupt, discredit, and then take over. Once they have total control they squeeze anything they want. Its a terrible strategy, and completely dehumanizing.”
“I know a few people like that, myself. They think they’re clever, when really they are repulsive and slimy. Their only safeguard is secrecy, deception, and lies. ....playing good people off against each other, and sitting back and watching. So if you eliminate their secrecy, they’re instantly powerless. Freedom of information really is a safeguard. It amazes me that I’ve lived so many years, and still didn’t understand how
“And, proud of it!“ Jonas interjected.
“I know that you’re telling the truth. The problem is, that we have our own people lying to us back at home; and not enough people get out here to see the truth for themselves, so they get away with it. That's why Americans are hated so much - for what some bad ones do. We allow them to get away with it in our name. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve had to defend
“Yes, I do. It gets tiring, and at first I lost my temper with ‘em because they were so wrong, and so angry. I felt like they were attacking me, and then I got defensive. Once you step back, and see the facts for yourself; it makes you feel guilty to be an American.“
“Well, I have a philosophy about guilt. Its easily avoided; and itsa selfish emotion, if we allow ourselves to wallow in it.“
“What do you mean?“
“To avoid guilt, just don’t do things that you know you’ll feel guilty about later. If you do something, knowing that it’s wrong or goes against your word, and that you’ll feel guilty about it; then you’re doing it on purpose to wallow in self pity. Just don’t do it. Think of the Nike slogan, in reverse. Only make promises that you can keep; to others, and to yourself. Don’t let people push you into making promises you know you can’t keep. Then, they can’t get you on a guilt trip later for not keeping to your promises. Or you won’t beat yourself up needlessly, for failing to ‘be strong in your promise to yourself.‘ The idea is to not set your self up for failure. In this case, what you showed me today, is that American foreign policy has been often set for personal gains - working against basic human rights. I feel bad, and a little guilty, because I can’t be so proud of being American right now. But then again, I just figured it out. So I shouldn’t really beat myself up, eh? It would be better for me to do what I can to expose the bad people; and then let go of it. Knowing that I did what I could, and that I don’t deserve to ride the guilt train. If I stay on the guilt train, and do nothing; then I’m just being selfish and whinny. Expecting sympathy and pity, rather than earning respect.”
“I never thought of it that way before Thomas; but you make some sense. Wow, today is full of surprises - you making sense!”
“Watch it, there!” Tom laughed.
“Let’s just hike it home, and do what we can when we get home. O.k.?”
“Sure. Actually, that’s a load off my mind. All of the pain and suffering I’ve seen was wearing on me.”
“You still can help, empathize with it, and do something about it; more so, because you aren't taking on the weight of guilt that isn’t yours. I think we just have to be willing to do something, take on some responsibility......whatever amount we can reasonably handle....then we never have to ride the guilt train; and, we can subsequently help others a lot more.”
“It makes a lot of sense. Now I see why I wanted to hike alone, because the others were all making me feel guilty......when I didn’t deserve it. So, I just left them.”
“That's what usually happens. Smart, good people, run when they are being tripped out. Otherwise, you sink with them. But it’s even better to just clarify things, and let the chips fall where they may. You don’t own their guilt trip. It’s a game. One that many people don’t even know they’re playing. Good people are often easy to guilt trip - until they get used up. You’re a good guy. Stay that way, and don’t get discouraged by those who would use you for their purposes.”
“Yeah, they were even making me feel guilty for not having sex with them.”
“Did you want to have sex with them?”
“No.”
“Then, it’s their issue. It’s your body, your heart, your emotions. You share them with whomever you want......hopefully someone you can trust. Obviously, you didn’t feel you could trust them with that intimacy, or you just didn’t want to. Again, it’s your body and your choice. I can see why they wanted to have sex with you; you’re handsome, kind, and a wonderful person. So you can’t blame them for trying, or asking; but they don’t have the right to guilt trip you, just because you declined their offers.”
“I see what you say. How come you know so much about guilt, Thomas?”
“Hey bud, I was raised Catholic. Some of them are impresarios of guilt trips. The Southern Baptists have far exceeded Catholics though, now.”
“I’m Baptist.”
“Dugh! Do I look like I just fell off the stupid truck? Pluueesse. Why do you think we got onto this topic? I just happen to think you’re too good of a guy to get played that way. Keep your sincerity. Don’t let anyone take that special treasure from you. But you have to safeguard it, just like the Tibetans have. Beware of those who’ll use you for their ends. You’re a smart guy, even for a lumberjack!” Tom laughed, as he sunk his last barb, and ran for his life.
“When I catch your ass!”
“Pigs will be flying,” Tom yelled over his shoulder, as he ran away laughing.
They hiked separately for a long while, enjoying their solitude; but were mutually reassured, knowing that the other one was nearby. Jonas kept a break neck pace; but Tom was resolved to keep up, and to not complain. Other than his feet, he was fine. Ultimately, they decided to hike all the way to Tatopani, to the natural hot springs.
“We can jump into the hot water, and get a nice hot tub bath! That's going to be a good goal for me today!”
Jonas grunted agreement. He liked the idea of getting far ahead, and to a place of relative safety.
“Whatever’s up in the mountains, we’ll be safe in this guesthouse I know there. Its a nice place.”
“What about your friends?”
“I’ll stay there a few days, and wait on them. They should be fine, if they stay out of the water and keep to the larger villages.”
“You mean they’d try going into the river? That would be stupid! If the current didn’t get them, hypothermia would.”
“They know that, they saw two people drown a couple of weeks ago.”
“Really, what happened?”
“One of the suspension bridges had been broken, so they tried to cross the river instead of going down river to another bridge. They were swept away with the current. It took a few days to find what was left of their bodies.”
“Damn, I’d heard these kind of stories, but I thought.....”
“They were just stories, huh?” he interjected.
“People sometimes have this misconception that bad things can’t happen to them; then they get careless, and reckless.”
“I hear that. Hey, don’t you think the
“Yeah, they do,” Jonas said, as he looked at Tom silently.
Tom could tell that Jonas felt really close to him, from their day of revelation and fun; but he could also sense that that very closeness was discomforting to him. Tom felt like saying: ‘Hey, I like you a lot; but rest assured I don’t want to have sex with you. But he decided to let him work out things himself. Tom didn’t want weird conflicting feelings to mess up a great day, and a possible good long-term friendship.
“Men!” he muttered under his breath. “All they think about is sex!”
He wanted to shout from a mountain top: ‘Helllooo, its ok to feel close to a guy, you won’t die!’ But he’d been down this road too many times, and he knew that it was their issue to resolve. Also, he didn’t want that whole sticky conversation. He remembered a night-long conversation with a wonderful Baptist guy that he’d met at the Olympics. He’d carried the torch part of the way, and was in the village for the night. They hit it off really well, and had a wonderful, day - only to have it end up being a night full of soul searching and drama; just because the guy thought his strong feelings for men made him possibly gay, so he was on a mission to save everyone from being gay. Tom made the mistake of saying: “so what if you’re gay, what would that matter? I’m not saying you are, I’m just saying, let go of it. People are people, and I wouldn’t think worse of you.”
That one statement evidently hit a little too close to the truth; and so came a long and laborious discussion of ‘love for God,’ and ‘lying with men.’
“You can’t have them both!” he pleaded, unconvincingly.
“If he’s truly a loving God, which I believe him to be, why would he damn people for an eternity of hellfire, just for loving someone whom he programmed him to love?“ replied Thomas, logically.
“God makes people with red hair, black hair, tall, short, straight, or gay; it isn’t a choice. Orientation is programmed in, just like hair color. Don’t torture your self, accept what God made in you.....whatever that is! In your heart you know, the rest is denial and will only hurt you, and others, eventually. Seems like he did a good job to me! You’re a great guy, let go of it.”
Tom had tried to allay his fears, but his rational arguments only perpetuated the frustrating discussion.
All of his attempts to ease the poor guy’s mind were fruitless. He ultimately gave up, but the whole day had been tarnished by the long discussion. Where Tom tried to make him feel more comfortable, he only seemed to make it worse for the poor bastard.
After Kagbeni, his resolution was to answer what was asked; and to not go on thin ice, unless so directed. It was another case of ‘why give them the answer Thomas, if they aren't aware enough to even ask the question.’
“Please deliver me from that no-win conversation,” Tom said to himself, under his breath. “Hey, I’m learning! Yeah! He can be taught!” he exclaimed, joyfully.
For once, Tom didn’t feel like he was shortchanging someone by not giving him the benefit of his experience, and well intentioned advice.
“Maybe, I’m finally understanding the character of wisdom. Hmmmm, now that's intriguing,” he commented to himself.
Jonas knew Tom was debating something within himself; but it only heightened his nervousness, because he didn’t understand these things in Tom. They had, after all, only known each other a day. Tom fell behind Jonas as they walked, which wasn’t uncommon; as they approached the
Jonas went into a little store, and spent time picking out snacks, and water. He lingered in the store long enough for Tom to pass him by. Tom, unaware of Jonas’s exact position, and the name of the village, kept walking through the village and all the way to the
“Hullo Thomas! What a surprise. Yet again, you surprise everyone! How did you get here so quick?”
“Hey guys! I didn’t really try. I hiked all day from Larjung today, with an American lumberjack.”
“No way! You went all that way, just today!”
“Yeah, he was kind of driven; and I was looking forward to getting back to
“Well come in swimming, the water’s great!”
“Sure, I’ve just got to get changed and find a place for my pack. I’ve lost my hiking partner; but I suppose he’ll turn up eventually.”
“Jest jump in, mate. The water’s great. Couldn’t be better for your muscles!”
Tom wondered if he should spend more time looking for Jonas, or just let him stew his way around by himself. Talking to himself, he weighed the choice.
“Hmmmm, waste more time looking for a wonderful, but conflicted, guy who’s only going to drive me nuts - and make me miss out on a nice hot bath? Or, stay and swim with the silly players?” he asked himself.
The sun was near to setting, so he knew he wouldn’t get a bath unless he went in soon; and only God knew where Jonas’ head was at.
“Move aside, you troublesome blokes. I’m jumping in!” Tom said, as he shed his clothes and did a cannonball into the large pool.
The crazy Kiwis laughed, as did Tom. The water was great, although his feet stung smartly from his now open blisters.
“This entire hike, even up over the pass, I never get as much as one blister. Now, look at my feet!” Tom complained as he lifted his feet out of the water for them to see.
“Oh, U ‘aven’t seen nuttin, till you see this crazy fuck we met up with today. Here he comes now!”
A potbellied man, in his late thirties, walked up to the pools edge, visibly wincing with pain. He was clad in a skimpy pair of underwear, and looked like a bloated whale. His overweight condition in itself wasn’t disturbing; but his feet and his manners were.
“I can’t put my feet in there!” he whined, as he sat down and glared at Tom.
“Hey,” Michael said, “this is that American ‘e told you about. He’s caught up with us! Looks like the four of us are on for a race of who completes the circuit first!”
The man simply grunted, and glared at Tom. At first, Tom thought the glare was out of pain; for his feet were bloody messes, wrapped tightly in ace bandages that were soaked through with blood. But then it became clear that they guy was just a huge asshole.
“I’m not in any race,” temporized Tom, mildly.
“I’ve just been wandering along with different folks, and am having a good time. I’d like to get to
“Bullshit! Everyone tires to outdo each other on this Trek,” the man vomited out.
“The record for this hike is.....”
“Something we’re going to break,” interjected Michael, before the man could finish his sentence.
“Seriously? You guys really care about that?” asked Tom.
“This bloke does! Look at those feet! He’s going to cripple himself to win.”
“Win what?” asked Tom. “It’s just a hike.”
“Nothing’s just a hike!” retorted the man. “Where are you from, wimp?”
“Wimp! Sorry, I don’t know you well enough for you to joke with me that way,” Tom said jokingly, but half seriously.
Michael sat and smiled, watching the interaction with humor.
“Whose joking!” he said angrily.
“I’m from
“Figures! A weak kneed southerner! I‘m from out West.
Tom wanted to die, and Michael laughed at his final realization. Tom gave him a look of total exasperation, and rolled his eyes heavenward; as if asking for divine intervention.
"Ok, I’m going under the water now, out of extreme embarrassment!” he said with thinly veiled disgust.
“I would too, if I were from
“Guys, I’m going under now, don’t let me up until he’s gone. And if I drown waiting, it’ll have been for a higher purpose!” Tom said sardonically, refusing to be baited into a useless argument.
Michael and his friend were howling with laughter. They hadn’t seen Tom embarrassed before. The Texan got up, bitched a few disgusting remarks, and walked away.
“Can’t put my God Damned feet in that hot water! Bastards! You lied to me! I’m going to my room!” was all Tom heard, as he thankfully submerged himself in the warm waters.
He didn’t stay under long, but long enough to wash the filth out of his hair. The hot water felt great, even on his poor feet. But he didn’t consider himself so bad off, after seeing the other guy’s bloody stubs. Michael and his friend were still laughing, when Tom came up for air.
“Where did you ever find that guy?”
“He found us! He ‘eard that we’re about to set a record for the trek, and he wanted to catch up with us. Evidently he’s got three weeks of vacation. He flew in, is running the circuit, and flying home to Tex-Ass!” Michael said with a roaring after laugh.
“You know guys, we aren’t all like that!”
“We know, Thomas. You’re special!”
“Thanks. I give up! Change of subject. What are your plans tomorrow?”
“We’re hiking through the rest of the circuit, and then catching a bus to Pokhara.”
“So you’ll be in Pokhara tomorrow?”
“Yes, indeedie!”
“Do you mind if I go along with you? I need to get to
“Sure, no problem. Just be up early, we’d be leaving at dawn.”
“Great! I’m looking forward to getting back.”
“You aren't spending time in Pokhara? Everybody parties there for days after their Treks; its tradition.”
“I’m not into partying on this trip, its kind of a quiet journey for me. I’ve even sworn off sex for the whole trip.”
While listening to Tom, Michael had been moving closer to his side of the pool so that they could talk. By the time Tom finished speaking, he was right next to him. He looked up, out of the water, at Tom with his best puppy dog look.
“Even with me?” he asked very convincingly, but with utter false sincerity.
Tom just looked straight at him, and laughed.
“Even you, beautiful! God knows what diseases you’re carrying!” he joked.
Michael busted out laughing.
“You’re too funny, Thomas. I surely enjoy messing with you!”
“I figured that out a long time ago. Seriously, is nothing sacred to you?”
“My virginity is,” he said in a soft and intimate voice.
“That's not what all the women, half the guys, and two of the dogs on this trek have told me!”
Tom’s teasing banter had them all laughing, and Michael's friend was happy to see someone get the better of him for once. Apparently, he followed in Michael’s shadow. So while he liked Tom’s funny barbs, he resented Tom’s quick responses. Responses that often left him in the lurch, while it took him time to ‘get the joke.’
“Hey, here’s my lumberjack friend, now!” Tom said to the guys, as Jonas walked up to the large pool in his shorts - towel in hand.
“Hey Thomas. Looks like you found the
“I lost you bud, but found the waters of life! They feel great, come on in! Come meet some crazy guys from Kiwi land! They didn’t believe me when I told them I hiked from Larjung today. Go ahead, tell them; so they can cry.”
“Yep, we met up just outside of Larjung; and here we are!”
Michael got quiet. And answered Tom, as he got up to leave.
“You’re something, Thomas. That you are! Good to meet you, Jonas. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, Tom. Let’s not sleep in again.”
“Oh, I won’t,” Tom laughed.
After they were gone, Tom talked to Jonas. Jonas didn’t seem upset, yet was embarrassed at running into Tom at the springs - and then, there was awkward silence between them.
“What happened to you, Jonas? I looked all over for you, and walked all the way through the village, and back, trying to find you. After a while, I gave up looking; and came here for the bath I thought we were both looking forward to.”
“Ugghhh, I got into a shop, and stayed there too long........ Must’ve missed you.”
“Hey, I understand more than you think I do. It’s all ok with me, alright? Just don’t play dodge ball with me ever again, o.k.? It really hurts my feelings.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know.....”
“Remember our guilt talk today? I’m not playing the guilt game, even if you hand me a handful of cards. Look at me,” he said firmly.
Jonas’s face lifted up to look directly into Toms caring eyes. Once he was there, Tom spoke.
“We’re all going through stuff, and it isn’t easy. But it is easier to just face up to things, rather than to play dodge ball. I’m not like those other people you told me about, I respect who you are, your choices, and your right to be whomever you’re destined to be. I happen to think that I’ve have a better opinion of you, than you do. You’ve nothing to ashamed of, nor nothing to fear from me. I think you’re a great person; and I hope we can stay good friends - even after we get home. But you can’t ever do to me what you did today, o.k.?”
"O.k., I’m sorry. Let’s have dinner together tonight.
“Great! And, I’m sorry if I’m too forward, and a bit much to handle. I just don’t have the same hang-ups most people do; and so I say and do what I feel comfortable doing. That seems to be a whole lot more than other people. Sometimes it can cause people to feel uncomfortable - being so close, when they’re used to being isolated.”
“I do better isolated.”
“You feel safer isolated - not better. We can talk more tonight, o.k.? I want you to know one thing, though.”
“What?”
“You’re one of the most caring, loving, and sincere people I’ve met on this trip; and I value you as a person. Hang onto those strengths, and not onto ungrounded fears, o.k.?”
“Sure, see you at dinner. About 8:00, o.k.?”
"Ok, see ya, ” added Tom, as he walked away.
Dinner was relaxing, tasty, and filling. Tom and Jonas ate plates full of food in the outside dinning area, alongside an ancient wood building that served as the guesthouse. Every time they finished one plate of food, another was brought over to them - heaping with savory rice and beans. Tom now understood why the place was a popular rest stop for weary hikers on the
“What is it that you do for your work, Mr. Thomas?” asked the polite Indian woman.
“Computing, I design large databases.”
“Oh, that is very specialized work. I have a nephew in
“It can be rewarding, if you work for the right people,” added Tom noncommittally.
Then, he rubbed his left foot, and groaned.
“I’m sorry, I got two huge blisters on each of my feet today; that's why I’m not wearing shoes. They are....”
“Very painful, I can see. My husband here is in medicine; and I am in full practice of Reiki. I understand such things. Let me see your feet. Maybe I can help?”
Embarrassed for his whining, Tom demurred.
“Oh, that's o.k., there’s nothing to be done. They just have to heal, and I must be careful with them tomorrow....to not make them worse.”
“Do not be concerned with appearances, Thomas. Let me see, I know I can help.”
Tom raised his right foot, and placed in on the chair adjacent to hers, and between their tables.
As Tom put his foot up, he heard giggles from the other large table of people - the Kiwis and their friends. Tom waved their laughs off with his hand, and implored them silently to respect the woman. She was quite serious, quite sincere, and quite intent.
“It can’t hurt anything,” he decided, and she was very serious; so he wanted to give her a chance.
“What exactly is Reiki?” Tom asked, as she inspected his feet.
“Indian medicine is very very old; and focuses on a person’s life forces. Ayurveda is Sanskrit for ‘science of life,’ and is having a most important emphasis on retaining a balance of life forces. The Japanese call this life force ‘Ki.‘ When these life forces, also known as doshas, are out of balance; then, a body suffers disease. Reiki is the easing of pain and suffering, and also the encouraging of healing where possible, by emphasizing certain life forces.”
Tom was intrigued by her interest, obvious compassion, and sincerity. He knew he felt better, just because she cared so much.
“So it’s like easing a person’s physical pain, by having them feel better?”
“In a way, but it is very much more than pretending to feel good. To heal, a body must be in a healing state. It’s a matter of life force moving from a disrupted state to a balanced state. We facilitate this rebalancing. Some times, however, it is beyond our control to heal. In those such cases, we ease the person’s pain - while they transition, to their next life.”
As Tom listened to the woman’s soft, gentle, and caring words, he let himself be taken along with her beliefs - putting himself in a mild dream-like state. It wasn’t too hard, given her kind touch, and genuine concern for his well-being. She had been a perfect stranger a few minutes ago; but now she had opened herself up to him, with the intention of helping him by ministering to his emotional and physical needs. That alone felt nice, and Tom thought of how he often did this for others - but never understood how nice it felt.
“They are all related. Physical and emotional needs,” she answered his question before he had been able to asked it. Life is a balance. When something happens to pull us out of balance, then we must endeavor to regain balance so that we can heal, and then grow anew.”
“What are these forces?” Tom asked, as he felt a warm glow rise up from his feet; slowly suffusing his legs.
“They are our body, our mind, and our spirit. Our spirit now, is within the individual; and, between the individual and the outside forces of society and our environment. Harmony of these forces, determines overall health. I am going to be touching the most painful of your sores now; but be not be alarmed, it will not hurt.”
Tom fell deeper into a sleepy trance state, and was remotely aware of her gentle touch, at and around, the gaping blisters on his feet. He hoped to open his eyes to find that they had been miraculously healed -even though he knew that was impossible. They hurt so much, and threatened to make his last day’s hike miserable. He wanted to wish them away. But, easing the pain of them was welcome enough relief to him - so he was open-minded about her ministrations. Jonas, sat silently next to Tom, and respectfully kept his silence as he watched the woman work. He half believed in the miracle of the ‘laying on of hands,’ but he never expected to see an Indian woman in that role.
“How they were hurt today.......your feet,” the woman said, sympathetically.
“They will be very much better in the morning. You have very strong doshas, Thomas!” she said with finality, as she eased his feet back onto the ground.
“Well, they don’t seem so balanced all the time,” he laughed.
“Being sensitive to our own balances, and healing forces, is the first awareness in determining and maintaining balance. You are further than you think.”
“You must listen to my wife, young Thomas. She is very talented, and has done most wondrous things. Reiki is more than training, it is the mastering of strong forces of healing, by those with the gift of sensing. They must have very deep levels of awareness. One must be attuned to the life force, and then initiate healing by increasing the flow through the affected parts - causing the negative energy to break apart, and fall away. Ayurveda is the oldest practicing medicine in the world, over 5,000 years. When she says you are containing these energies, it is very important,” her husband commented.
“Why, thank you. I appreciate your kind words, sir; and your helpful ministrations, madam. I do feel better, and I hope you are right about the morning. I‘ve a long way to travel tomorrow.”
“Where are you going?” the child asked.
“To Pokhara, then the next day to
“Hard, yes. Maybe. But, certainly it is not a bad one. You will discover much about yourself on your travels, Thomas. That is all I will say,” the woman finished conclusively.
“My wife is right, we must be leaving now. We have a full day tomorrow as well. Here is our email address, and contact information. Please feel free to contact us......anytime,” he said with the characteristic tonal inflection of a highly educated Indian.
“Thank you again. I do feel better already. I hope you have good travels. Be careful, however, we saw many armed soldiers in the jungles today.”
“We do not be wishing for that kind of trouble, Thomas. Thank you for your advice. Many things are happening these days. We will stay to the main route, and be very cautious.”
“Goodnight,” Jonas said to them, as they left.
“Well, that was interesting,” commented Tom to Jonas after they had gone.
“We aren’t the only ones that think that,” he said, as he made a motion with his head to the table of laughing hikers.
Tom looked over to them, and caught the Kiwi’s attention with his open consideration of them.
“Have you been healed, Thomas?” needled Michael, with a mocking laugh.
The whole table of people had been watching and listening to the woman and Tom. Obviously, she’d been their evenings entertainment. Tom then saw the hikers in a new light, and it wasn’t very complimentary. He didn’t want to get into anything, but he didn’t want the woman to be hurt, either. She wasn’t so far away that she couldn’t have missed Michael’s insult.
“Michael, Michael, Michael. It’d take a whole team of Reiki healers to get you in balance, eh?” he joked good naturedly, and then continued.
“You guys shouldn’t mock out the woman. It’s different than you’re used to, but who’s to say she isn’t right? I feel better, and she was nice and sincere. You know, there are some benefits to being nice and sincere!”
“I can’t believe you went in for that charlatan, Thomas,” he responded, surprised.
“I let her be who she is, and I feel better knowing her. That's the miracle, Michael; people who sincerely care for others. We’ve got to get to bed, now. I’ll see you bright and early, eh?”
“Sure. Remember, we leave at dawn. See you at breakfast, Thomas,” Michael yelled back to him.
Tom then turned his attention to Jonas. He was silent, and a bit withdrawn.
“You O.K., bud? You look sad,” Tom noted, in a normal tone of voice.
“Yeah, I guess I’m sad. I feel like I’ve been too isolated from people sometimes. You have friends everywhere.”
“Friends? Those morons? We’re just hiking together because the Kiwis are great hikers, and I don’t want to be alone after what we saw today. Michael is a player of sorts, yet he hangs about me, looking for a little direction I think; or maybe, just someone to tease. If he wants to be better, and I keep myself open enough for him to ask and listen; then I think I’ve done a good deed for humanity - if only for the poor women he seduces!“ Tom said with a laugh.
“Seriously, I think he’s trying to change, so I stick with him. And, this place is getting dangerous; I can feel it. Don’t ask me how, but I can feel that something isn’t right. The people are.....”
“Yeah, I feel it too. It’s not that, though. You just met that woman today, and look at the experience you had with her. You guys connected, and I can tell that it was special. I don’t do that with people, and I feel bad that I don’t even try. You’ve shown me that.”
“Well, excuuuse me, but didn’t you and I have a great day together? Where do you think I got all these blisters!” Tom laughed, to lighten his spirits.
“And I almost messed it all up by being self conscious about being naked in the
“Oh, that. I forgive you. I really understand, you just panicked. Everybody has different comfort levels with nudity. Me, I don’t care. I’m not much to look at, but I’m not here to be inspected, either. So again, I don’t feel all the same anxieties others do about that. Damn, I know some guys who can’t even touch their own penis when they pee in the bathrooms. Its all relative, and mostly due to how we were brought up to see our bodies.”
“You still don’t get it, Thomas. I don’t have those problems, I love my body. I like showing it off, and that's just wrong....”
“No, what’s wrong is this whole guilt thing we talked about today. Get over yourself, o.k.? I can’t see why you wouldn’t like your body. You’re in great shape, fit, lean, strong, perfectly proportioned; and full of endurance. Its something to be proud of, you’ve obviously worked hard to get into shape, great! Be happy about it.”
“I am! Too happy! I saw Michael today at the
“He does, I saw him do it in Manang. He lies around like one of those Venus fly traps, trying to capture women. It usually works on the hoes.”
“That’s what I mean, I’m afraid I’ll be like him!”
“Wooooah, there boy! You could never be like him. First, if you got tanned and cut that god awful raggedy beard off, you’d look ten times better than him!” Tom said laughing, but went directly onto his serious point.
“Secondly, and most importantly, you’d never play with people like he does. You just aren't that kind of person; and you won’t become that kind of person so long as you remain true to yourself. You’ll just be more attractive, and therefore more effective at getting others to listen to you. I know both of you, and you’d never lead people the wrong way - for entertainment, for selfish gains, for continuous sex with strangers. God gave you good looks for a reason. And, I think you know what the reason is......to be a leader. Its for you to follow your heart, express your wonderful character, and follow your true path without any shame. Yes, you have to be careful not to develop insensitivities like Michael - that’ll be your biggest challenge, because people will literally throw themselves at you. Some, because they’ll be absorbed in their desires to either ‘have’ you; and others, because of their poor self images, feeling that they’re better when they’re ‘with’ you. But that just gives you the power....the responsibility....to help them out; by inspiring them in themselves, and moving on.“
“Sorta what you’re doing with me, eh?“ Jonas quipped, good naturedly, smiling.
“And who said looks and brains don’t travel together!“ laughed Tom.
“Seriously, yours is a tough road because people will look up to you for all the wrong reasons. At first, due to your physical appearance, and you’ll have to continually help them get beyond that whole physical thing. But imagine how helpful you can be? You’re right though, there’s irony here. One of those damned life things! If it isn’t the counterintuitive things in life that trick you, it’s the irony that’ll wear you out!” Tom laughed.
“Anyway, the ironic thing is that you’ll get tons of attention, but it can be lonely - because few people will really understand you. Their hormones will overrule their good sense, logic, and true hearts. They can easily see you as their savior from a dull life; when in fact, you’ll be the person that will usher them into a life they never expected. A life where they consider themselves as beautiful as you, based upon their learned talents of compassion, love, and giving to others. I’ll convert a few Michaels who try to tangle me up in their messes, when they find they can’t sway me with their looks; but you’ll inspire the younger Michaels, before they even go down that path. Because you can be their role model, their hero, the person whose every word has meaning. Beauty is a responsibility, not a power to be wielded - for either women or men. But it’s also a great opportunity to proliferate beautiful blooms everywhere, eh? Imagine how much hurt, pain and suffering you’ll be able avert by being a loving, responsible, and caring person who happens to ‘have it all?’”
“So its o.k. to give into my desires to develop my looks?”
“For the right reasons. There’s a big difference between shallow vanity and self pride. You should be proud of yourself. Part of yourself, is your physical self. But just like the woman said tonight, it’s a balance thing; so you’re wise to be cautious. But for God’s sake, you’ve got to stop hiding yourself. What’s that old revival song?
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine....” Tom sang, laughing out loud.
“So let it shine, handsome; just lose the damn beard and scruffy hair!” Tom laughed.
“You know, I’ve had to wear the beard because I’m the head of a crew of much older men. I look too young without a beard to lead a crew. They won’t take me seriously. I hate it too!”
“I was just kidding. What I’m saying, is let go, let go, let go...... It’s my new mantra. Just be yourself, and be good. All else will fall into place.”
“I think you’re right, I’ve been holding myself back, then I feel guilty when.....”
“I’d love to eliminate that word from our language. Guilt and conscience are good, in moderation, and for just reasons. Otherwise society would be a mess. But its waaay overused. You need to really examine what’s real, and what’s been place upon you, due to other people’s motivations for control. Once you get out of under other’s control mechanisms, and act responsibly without them; then you’ll be driving under full steam. Then nothing can stop you from really making substantial improvements in people’s lives, and thereby in the world.”
“Thanks, Thomas. You’ve done for me, what that woman said she was going to do for you. You’ve started me seeing clearer, and helped me be more aware. I appreciate it.”
“Speaking of being more aware, Jonas. What the hell is that walking alongside the balcony on the guesthouse? Tell me it’s a cat, or some animal I’ve never seen!”
Jonas turned to look where Tom was looking, and squinted in the dim light of the tiki torches.
“You’ve never seen rats before, Thomas?” he laughed.
“Tell me it isn’t true! I hate rats. Ever since I watched that movie ‘Ben’ as a kid, I’ve been terrified of rats.”
“Michael didn’t scare you, but that little guy does?”
“I can handle men rats - you can usually anticipate their attacks. But feral rats? No, I’m not too brave there...” he tried to laugh.
“Better get used to them, Tom. This place is an old granary. There’re rats everywhere. Last time I stayed here, I couldn’t sleep because I kept hearing the rats climbing in the walls, and building nests. They make lots of noises. They get to me when they walk overhead in the rooms, on the exposed rafters. I hear them, and expect one to drop off onto my bed.”
“Ugghhh, yeah! If I sleep with the lights on, will they stay out of my room?”
“Probably. But how can you sleep with the lights on?”
“I’ll learn how to - tonight!” Tom’s voice cracked, with more dread than would have been expected.
“There’s something wrong, Jonas; something terribly wrong,” Tom vocalized his ominous feelings, as best that he could.
“What do you mean?”
“The rats, they send a shiver down my spine usually; but its as though they’re a sign. Did you see that one look right at us? There isn’t any fear in them.”
“I’ve told you already, there was a granary here for many years, and......”
“I understand what you mean; but it’s not the rats per se. I feel something else, the rats up there are just the harbingers.”
“I hope you’re wrong, Thomas.”
“Me too, but you can even feel it in the weather. Something’s terribly wrong.....all kinds of things are pointing that way. Well, I’d better get to bed now. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day,” Tom said, as he rose, and tried to shake off the unshakable dread.
“Goodnight, Tom. And thanks for everything. Keep in touch, and email me, o.k.?”
“Sure!”
“Promise?”
“Promise”
At that, Jonas gave Tom a big fumbling hug that nearly cracked his ribs; and said a teary goodbye. Returning to his room, Tom saw no evidence of rats, but the rafters above were wide open; and the building had gaping holes everywhere. He tired to sleep, but scratching noises kept him awake. Finally, out of sheer exasperation he turned on the lights in the room, and looked for visual evidence of their presence. The wondering alone was driving him nuts. As he sat in bed, closely examining the ceiling rafters above, the rains started. It wasn’t a gentle spring shower...... it was as if a huge fire hose had been opened in the sky. The rain was torrential, and roared as it assaulted the tin roof of the building.
“Well, at least I know why the rats were so busy; they could sense the rain coming. At least I won’t hear them anymore, over the rain,” he told himself, unconvincingly.
He finally slept, out of total exhaustion, but it was a fitful sleep - with the lights on, all night. The rats ran everywhere through the night; and that fact registered somewhere within his subconscious, even though he tried to deceive himself.
“Damn it! Where is denial when you need it!” he joked with himself, at one desperate moment during the long night.
The continual movement of the rats kept Tom from sleeping too soundly; but it also allowed him to be the first one awake the next morning. It was a miserable morning. He sat alone in the gloom of the common room for over an hour, before the Nepali innkeeper finally appeared. Tom attributed his continued ambivalence of an evil portent as the result of a poor nights’ sleep, and the wet cold morning.
©Tibet
***************
©Tibet, Lamplight Unto a Darkened World…the American Delusion, a Parody of life ( L'illusion Américaine, une Parodie de Vie); is copyright protected, by author, Patrick Mahoney. Online Internet Reproduction/Propagation/Quotation Encouraged, with this citation. Any Printed reproduction, other than for personal reading, requires written permission by author, patrickm at http://patrickm.gather.com/ or patrick1000000000@yahoo.com
Thank you to HHDL The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso,
for his Inspiration and selfless commitment to the betterment of life.....
If you download this book,
please make a donation to Great Compassion Boarding School …Tibetan Cultural Preservation through Education…if only a few dollars….
to a very worthy cause.
FOR PICTURES on this chapter, and More INFO Click Here
Or here,
Chapter 32 http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.js...
OR,http://www.myspace.com/theamericande...
OR,http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.js...
No comments:
Post a Comment